Friday, November 01, 2002

"No, stuff sucks"

Yeah, so I am in this mood, it seems that i can almost write some songs right about now, maybe it's time for another story.
Well, I'm getting ready to leave ALC for my nap/break/rest and George just turns on me. He statrs flipping out and yelling, "God damn i fucking hate you, i fucking hate Jason Angus" Beats me why, i didn't say anything, i was just getting ready and asled why my coat kept getting moved. Then he says, "I hope i don't retunr from ohio this weekend, i hope i die, so that my last workds to you would be, i fucking hate you jason angus" i hope he doesn't think this will get to me, because it won't, if anything that kinda brings a smile to my face. the fact that he got pissed at me for no reason whatsoever and said he hated me. HA! Hell, i'd want to be the last image in his mind as he gets into an accident or whatever it is he will do to die this weekend. Though i am not the cause of his death, that would be the ultimate: me causing anyone's death, it's still something to think about, and i soo would go to the funeral. I don't think he would be able to get into heaven with such a grudge in him, hmmmmm.
So get this, Jenny, the friend of George's that reminds him of me, will make in one day, a 6 hour shift, as much as i make in one week working 70 hours. That sickens me, think about it for a second.......in 1/12 of my week's work schedule she's equivalent to me. God, if that doesn't make me want to end my life i don't know what would.....You can't always get what you want, but people will die trying for it. I am literally killing myself with this terrible scheduling i am putting myself through, and for what? money? damn this capitalistic soceity. Working 70+ hours a week was a lot easier when i worked at Costas and ALCO, my schedule was from 8 to 10, all day, and the stores were moments apart, but now i got this night shift shit and it's just no good. I should have stayed at Costas at this rate, if it weren't a hole of a store, going out of business and just plain shitty. I'm a good, hard worker, willing to work 60 hours a week to receive a nice fat paycheck, but i'll never have anything like that. Everybody else will succeed and i will stay in my cesspool of working in minimun wage jobs. God i suck. I have failed and that is all i can continue to do. I don't even know anymore what i want, I give myself this illusion that i actually like working these crazy hours and putting in 70 hours a week, at least i have tricked myself in some what of a good way, it's something i need to do. What, what could i possible do. oh, i just realized this isn't my personal journal, sorry, you don't care. ok, the only two things i could possible ask for this X-mas would be my death or winning the lottery, solves my problems either way. but these a such quick fixes, we're supposed to work for what we get, which kinda ties into "you can't get what you want, you get what you deserve thing". Haven't i worked hard enough, don't i deserve something? And people wonder why i hate religon. blow me. one day i tell you, i will go insane, won't that be fun? hmmmmm anything else? Bob Dylan's Po Boy? sure....

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