Friday, March 07, 2003

Let the Countdown Begin...

I'm sorry my bloggings have been, well, irratic, i hope we all know the reasoning for this - yes, work. I'm loosing myself agian in my work, not having the time to even stop and think what's going on. Today for starters just proved to me that all my efforts are fruitless; everything i tried to do whether it be pleasing someone, beating the system, time, or going around the guy in front of me, it was to no avail. Around 330 as i got to work at alco i realized i just wasn't gonig to put forth any extra effort to do something; if it was bothering me, in my way, any bit of troubling, i was just going to take it, not change/correct/manuver around it - i mean for what would be the reason? So now you may be asking what does the title have to do with anything, normally i address this query in the opening sentence of my blogging, but wanted it to elude your mind for a second then tell you about it, or whatever. Well basically in 31 days from today, there will come the day which i never thought would; i mean growing up you may look past that point at bits and pieces of the future life, but as i grew older, i knew i wouldn't make it past 19. Becoming 20 turns you to nothing - think about it - you are no longer a teenager, yet not old enough to buy alcohol, just as the second number denotes, you are zilch. Now that i put that depressing spin on the age 20, that's not my reasoning for not wanting to be that number. All in all i just never saw myself growing to this point, i was assured i'd be dead by now, whether it be by my hands, someone else's, or just an incident; i mean i knew i'd "graduate" middle school, and then go onto highschool, go throguh that torture, and maybe start gonig to college, but that's where it got blurry. Yeah i wanted to be rich when i was 30, but how did i get there, then i'd think about college, what i'd major in; then realizing what i wanted changed more often than my socks did. Psychology, yeah that will get me far; Law, too many lawyers, and i'd have to be some evil crook to be rich; Architect/Urban Devolper, yeah stupid and all my ideas would be spent after the first few that left me nowhere. And I'm not even really good at any one thing, i'd say i'm alright at most things, but not one thing do i show exemplary talent in. I don't know what i want, if only i had enough money to do things i wanted to do, open a business to say i owned a business, or made just that one building i wanted, read books on psychology and of course parapsychology. So where in the world is there a place for someone like me? Ohhhh, 31 days....31 days for things to turn around, well actually 30, then the last day will be just that, a day to look onto the past, not the future. Granted i did during highschool extend my thoughts of being rich, this time with a special someone, and my "20" thoughts were out of the question, i'd live past that. Hell i got so wrapped up in being with her i almost missed picking out a college alltogether -thank you UofM with their late acceptance date- but here i sit, not in college, but in town, as a townie. I've retunred to a place which i left only to inturn have everything i came back for leave me. These are my thoguhts at this monet, this is jason angus saying goodnight

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