Friday, November 21, 2003

Yewah.....

Is that a typo..who knows....well anyways..i should really be stopping this post right now...but i won't, so here i go, thoguh i should,n't, but i just said that, and i'm going, but this could turn into some twilight zone of a post where i just keep gonig round and round with those same two thoguhts, control all movement of what happens in this litle blog..but stepping back from i'm moving on....

well obviously the medicine is kicking in...my head is getting cloudy and i started a rambling conversation with myself....nice huh..but agian i ma plagued by the ailment of last time..i only want to talk to myself, the ideas can't be writting/typed down....

well here's this....i wish i could play guitar as well as vince, everytime we meet up he's learned something cool..and me...well i sit here and wish i could do that....i may pick things up quickly, but it's that direction i am lacking, i can't teachy myself...anways...

vince is a god, damn him and his greatness, creativity, and everything else...but i like the fact he can transform my piles o crap into something pleasing...my song makes me happy, i just kinda played it....and the other one with an ironic ending...

well looks like a trip to michigan is in the works....who knows, it's possible, i would love for something like that..the more the merrier i suppose, like ol times..god am i a worthless fuck...

my thoguhts are varying....i need something to do, and won't post just yet....brb....

yeah had a good conversation with myself a minute ago...it was sad, and who knows what we were talking about, i rambled, who cares, nobody will remeber, and it's just the same undermeaning that runs in all my thoughts....you know it's funny how must justify and get justification for everything....i present things like it is a trial, when who the fuck cares, or better what, why the fuck should i give it all that thought....why am i doomed with this fate....why can't i just walk away from it all..why isn't there places for this, like startanew.com...that'd be kick ass..it'd be like the FBI's relocation protection agency..yeah, i would take that chance..i'd miss somethings and people, but i think the end would justify the means...why not...

so now i must figure out why/what/or where something like that....i think my problem is i got my feet stuck in mud..but that's how i am on certain things, should you always dive right in, not looking back...maybe so...think about it, you walk through you're just trying the mud...you run through or jump in, then you can say you gave it your all, so it failed, you gave it your all and it wasn't good enough, move on....

i don't think i understand anything i just posted...feeling sad right now, medicine is causing some wicked depression..i feel like crying....

if i were in a car accident in the morn, i wouldn't be hit til that evening.....

maybe that last line explains it, who knows......but i'm done

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