Sunday, December 28, 2003

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions...
The Flood Gates Have Been Opened...

Why do I do this to myself? This outcome couldn't be any better than the other route I'm sure. Either way you're still stuck with a problem, I guess you just have to weigh it all out...And even when I do decide which path I want, why is it that I find myself in the wrong lane going in the opposite direction. Something leads me to my demise every time, and I know it's not my brain I'm trusting, though you would think "he/it/whatever" would have some say in it, some voice...but then again it did, and all was well, the plan was working, maybe not to par, but it was working just fine and we were making it....but now look what you did, you went against everything we fought for, in one instance you threw it all away..and for what, to have this again, to feel like this again. Look we already went through all this in September, now's the time we start anew. And it's really funny, oh yes, how you can say all these things, saying how it's going to get better, implementing your ideas, only to backpedal your way to the beginning. I wouldn't necessarily call it wimping out, but it's definatly something. When will it end? Why is this such a powerful force that leaves you crippled every time. I'm in awe of the power and what it does to you, I don't know whether to look pitiful upon it or praise it for it's pure greatness...but I suppose there's a little bit of hate to love, or love to hate, heaven to hell, sweet and sour. And even if I could stop it, do you think I would? I mean you know what I've been doing, how I've tried to correct things, and you see how it all unfolded and gave out with one instance. Like I said, either path I choose I am going up the creek without a paddle and I'm damned that I don't know how to swim. The paradox that is my life...So do I continue to torture myself, put myself through these brief moments of bliss only to be left like a mangy dog in a dumpster, only for that bit of happiness I once knew and now desire. The short effect the sweet has on me is enough to overpower even the worst of sours I suppose. The cycle just repeats...and I'm content with it....

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