Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Dead - End, Dropped Call...

Have any of you ever had an animal or a person, well I hope not a person, but yeah a person or animal ever die in your hand or arms or anything lie that? To those who have been unfortunate enough to have had that happen, you'll know what I'm talking about when I start telling my story, or rather just this next part...

so if you have had that happen, you know the feeling of the animal/person passing. you know the instant they are gone, you can literally feeling them leaving the body in a way. and the tabernacle, the shell, the housing, the body, it all of a sudden becomes heavier; the body becomes dead and there is a significant difference to it....all of a sudden it's just a heavier lump, it's sad really, but anyways....

this phone I got, I swear it feels the same way, or maybe it's not the phone, but for the sake of pointing fingers, let's go to the phone...so like I was saying, it's just certain calls, when the call is over, it feels like it is all over. I hear the click of them hanging up, I see the lights on the phone change out of the corner of my eye, and the phone becomes heavier, at that very instance. though nothing has died persay, just the end of a conversation, it still feels the same. "parting is such sweet sorrow"..

So then the question is how to pick yourself up after the phone died...it's kinda funny actually, you go through the phases just like with death, I think there are five, I don't know if you go through them all, but you go through several....you got an initial reaction of sadness it is over, then the denial and wanting to call back, but you can't, I don't think there is anger, maybewith yourself for not saying something you wanted to. and as for bargaining/pleading, don't think there is that, could be wrong, but the last one is acceptance, you eventually accept that it is over and you move on.....

I know that seems like a lot to grasp over just a phone call, maybe seems a little too much, a little over the top, but it's how I feel as of late...maybe the death of the phone calls will come to a close, maybe this is a momentary lapse of reason where things that are and never should be, but now I'm just talking in song circles..*cough cough* ok, cleared my throat and mind a bit, but I think we all will remember my rambling about a phone call, a voice, something of the sorts in a post that looked like this..... and isn't it funny that that post is made in September, ohh , back when my posts were filled with such emotion and length, length in a good way, full of good things, not filler shit I make now...but yeah, phone calls mean a lot of things, it could mean something special when it's needed to, or to some it could be an everyday thing...but certain everyday things still have meaning to me..no matter how many times I see something, or touch something, or feel something, it's as great as the first time..I guess I just don't tire of things or get old with things, well certain things....... it's the little things in life, nothing's bigger.

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