Thursday, January 15, 2004

Must I Continue...
Part Two

So now that we've established that there are many different lives occurring right around us, in close proximity, with the same problems, same type of townal structure, and so forth, I wonder what their life is like.

to live in their shoes for a day, facing the same problems you do, just in a different setting, with different reactions, different people, maybe different outcomes. See what the difference is, if any, from where they live and what they do compared to your life.

Hell they say everyone has a twin, I would like to meet mine (oh god, that's the dream I had, very very bad.....)

Alright, new tangent, what would your life be like if you lived in a different place (now we're hitting a strong point of my ramble...) I have always thought how my life would be different at point C if at point B something else happened. The foremost thought would be my place of living, when I moved in eighth grade. Yeah, as the story goes, my parents moved out here when I was in seventh grade, but I stayed in and finished out school in Lynwood for the year, only to come to Lowell for eighth grade, grrr. But here's the thing, I almost got off without ever being here, yeah as crazy as that is we weren't supposed to live in Lowell, in fact it was to be Crown Point of all places.

When my parents were house hunting, I was brought along with, I liked houses back then, it was all about the architecture yo. Anyways, they searched in several places, Cedar Lake, Lowell, Crown Point, etc..and they finally found the one they wanted, located in Crown Point. I'm not too certain of the details, but I know there was a bidding war, and in the end it was the carelessness of the Realtor (not to mention an alternative motive for an unintelligent person, aka every Realtor I've met...) that made us lose the house. My parents were very upset (more upset when they found out the Realtor jipped them out of a house) and so they continued looking..they settled (ouch I said settled) on the infamous house in Lowell, 634 Apache.

Now as a Junior, and then again a Senior, and several times since then, I have always wondered what life would have been like if I did end up living in Crown Point. As a junior, all I could think about was my friends, how could I possible find a better group of people that I related with in any other city/town in the world. Even at this stage, they are a great group of peoples, even though they may suck at times, and we kinda have disbanded over the years, at our zenith, we were gods among men, or so we thought..And every now and then, when the stars align just right, we have our glory once again. But try to think of the different outcomes, Pity Party would have never been created, what would I have been doing with my Saturday and Friday nights? Where would I be working, not at Costas for sure, how would my grades be, would I have a girlfriend there? All these questions I put on myself, asking at random times throughout my years.

As a senior with the turmoil the now no longer website caused, I knew this was only possible because I was in Lowell, had I been else where, I, among my colleges, would all be better off. Then of course the scandal of the AP Lit teacher, almost having me disenroll and either be homeschooled or join another if I could, once again, only in Lowell....

Then after my graduation, I figured I was out and gone for good, but that was certainly not the case...If I hadn't lived in Lowell and knew the right people would I have not fought to stay at Michigan (if that's where I would have gone in the first place..) not fought knowing I had two jobs lined up for me, and thus taking some easy way out? And every so often, moreso now than ever, I wonder if I would be living like this if I would have lived somewhere else, would my parents got divorced, would I be a wandering vagabond, or would I still be in college or somewhere else. And then I'll think my life could be no worse off than this no matter where I would have gone, so ten was Lowell my demise, would I have been better off somewhere else, with a different life..in any event, that's not how the cards have been dealt, I lived in Lowell, I'm living with everything now, it was wrote the way it is, so be it...

And then not to leave out, forget, or partially mention...if I didn't live in Lowell, I would have never of met Brooke. That's one that's a reoccurring theme. I think about the small, very slight window of opportunity it took for us to meet. If things would have been slightly altered, we would have never met. Even if I did live in Lowell, had something happened where I moved, or had o go back to Lynwood, we would have never met..had I gone to the Academy like my mother's wish, we would have never met..had I not had the friends that ran cross country like I do, we would have never met. So many variables in our meeting, our relationship that make me wonder sometimes. I still know her, though she has gone meeting different people on some similar occurrences, we still talk..what if I never gave her my heart, how would that change, or would have changed things.....

I think the about the what if's and here's where it gets me.....what if I had gone to Crown Point, and was involved with sports there, such as track and cross country...imagine me, standing there cheering on my fellow bulldog girls (not the legend of the dog faced woman, but you get the point...) I'm cheering them on, and it's a large meet, and Lowell just happens to be one of the teams they are competing agianst..I would never know..what if we were to catch eyes, would they be anything like the first glances of when we met, or would it just be some accidental stare..there she would stand, in one life I would know nothing of her, yet in another looking on she would be the one I gave my heart to, pure chance or something else?

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