Sunday, February 01, 2004

I Just Don't Understand....

I think that's all I have to say on that topic...I mean sure, I can sit here and wonder...but my head hurts, and has been for awhile, the headaches are coming to me more and more, I don't think they are necessarily caused by any certain thing, but maybe I'm overlooking those details...

I do suppress a lot of things come to think of it, huh, you were right....of course I probably said I didn't in some sort of natural defense, but that's just the way I am..

I don't know, I can't explain myself, there's a lot of things I've either taught myself, or was taught to do..Maybe it was something I learned not to do, "it wouldn't do any good to cry over spilled milk" sort of things..

so what do we do, what you follow I suppose is what makes you a certain person..What do you go with, gut instincts, logic, faith, your heart...just what do you follow....

and after you follow it, do you regret it, should you regret it, can it be wrong..if it's something you usually follow, can it be wrong? And if it is wrong...would you want it any other way..would you rather have followed something else, and lived in that doubt of what could have been....

How do most people sleep at night...are the conscience filled as much as mine is..and it's not like I'm saying it's filled with bad things like guilt or mine wrong doing....but other people's.

you know life would be simpler with a little help in certain departments..help from others in these departments would be greatly appreciated, but usually the harder to fight off topics can only be helped by less and less people, they're inversely related I assume...

alright, so what fate am I doomed to, well I think I pretty much got it down..I mean I'm living it now aren't I, ha, joke..well, kinda....I suppose if my reality wasn't enough torture, my dreams would be that nail in the coffin for it all....There's no escaping anything, no matter how much you suppress it all, it'll only come back to haunt you, in everyday events, in your sleep, everywhere, kinda like these lyrics..."You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me" ....hell, this test even thinks I suppress things..."A loner and one who
spends much of their time brooding and
contemplating life and death "..yup

so I lost what I was saying..but yeah..I know I must occupy my mind with something else to stop feeling this though...later

No comments: