Tuesday, May 18, 2004

"You Got to Pull It the Fuck Together.."

Time for something I shouldn't really get myself into....but in here so might as well take control of the wheel, right..or am I totally off track with this absurd rationality of the mind...whatever...

So there are things that bother me...Believe it or not...I was reminded just how good I am of leading others to believe I am, infallible, having no secrets..but I suppose the people who know me the most know that isn't true, and whether they accept me for the foibles is beyond me, I know how some peoples problems and relentless bitching would drive them mad..but I've always had more patience...what, did he just say that..

Ahh, there's the rub...so it's all a situational sort of thing isn't I..given the right person I will be able to "bear" them at all costs...I think its people in general I have more patience with, it's situations I don't...make any sense.

Ex: Traffic Jams = when I am late or need to get somewhere, I get upset at the traffic, at everyone around, and especially those fucking truckers for being in the left god damned lane...is it all their problems, or am I just redirecting my anger of myself onto everyone else..granted truckers have no fucking business in the left lane to begin with..and take a fucking long time to start rolling again at lights, I somehow got into this situation causing myself to be late....

Yeah..I was about to go into another example..but the only time I truly get irritated at others is when I put myself in that situation..if I am standing in a long line..and I got time to kill, that's cool with me, granted I will make a remark about the ignorance of the store not opening another lane, but it'll pass..but onto people, not situations..

The only time I loss it with people is when they become completely retarded, lose any sense of intelligence and have no idea what I ma talking about...basically if I have to repeat myself many many times..yeah it's definitely when I have to repeat myself several times...other than that, do whatever...push me, pull me, cry on my shoulder and then beat me with a stick, as long as I don't have to repeat it to you, then fine..

I suppose my tolerance for such things is abnormal, I .....Caught myself..caught myself, almost revealed a secret, well so much as known-unknown hidden truth..but I did however, unveil 4 (or was it five with the last ramble, I forget) of them last night, two from the same story, with an admendum to the fist one later on in the next story....#but nobody caught them# (said in a singing fashion).

And then you got the, "tell me, why are you so nice to me" quote,which would make some people spit out their Merlot upon hearing such a statement directed at me..(shouldn't it be the opposite, why are you such an ass to me..don't worry, I get that a lot as well...) Well as I explained it, certain people just have some bonus points to start out with..for instance being a girl..I was raised with traditional values, holding the door open for others and such, and basically it was a sin to disrespect a girl..until she warms up to you, well in my book.. (oh remind me to do a bonus points post, it's been brought up many times lately, funny enough, so I'll kill more webspace with such a post) Anyways...being a girl almost always gets your foot in the door and I'll be nice to you, let you get away with things that would probably drive me crazy, make me angry, or something...and why is that...well I think that has to go with a "secret", I can't remember if it was mentioned or not, I will say I did, because it seems more obvious of a statement, so yeah..you missed it again. HA, ohh, it's all falling into place..

anyways, this is totally not going where it was originally going to go..which is a good thing... *oh my god, my mother just signed online..panics..*

It was actually really good to ramble off somethings the other night, I mean I know what's going on and what has gone on...but rambling about things kinda clears it up a little more as well..plus I wasn't rambling to myself, yet I was, I mean nobody heard me..(and if they did I'll rip their ears off)..

alright getting nowhere, fast..so I'm ending it here...what you don't know, won't hurt you,when you find it out, the past and present will make more sense, and then you'll be able to prepare for the future and all its events....don't worry, I'll slip up soon enough (ask me when I am sleeping..or drunk I suppose, but sleeping you will get anything from me) Alright this is JasonFace signing off....

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