Monday, March 21, 2005

Day Two of Three...
..how long does it take to destroy me...

And if it wasn't going to be yesterday, it was going to be today...

Today was a nothing day..nothing on the agenda, nothing to do..I woke up at 2, relatively early considering what time I actually passed out..but figured I was tired and went back to sleep and woke again at 4ish...(damn that 2pm wake up back to nap til 4 scenario keeping constant..) So then it was what to do with myself sort of mood....last night in a drunken stupor I left Jim a note asking if he wanted burgers on Monday, in actuality the note read, "Burgers? Heart AP"...funny thing because it was in the most perfect of handwriting, go figure...

so that's what I had on my mind...making burgers..the idea of bowling was tossed out again, but that amounted to nothing which actually angered me to say the least..been wanting to go bowling for god only knows what reason, but damn it, I can't go alone...no matter how drunk I was.. Burgers were good.then the band practiced and I watched TV..after that I got back online then realized what my purpose was at WalMart the other day and went back..Funny thing about that, I didn't park in the handicapped spot, probably afraid to after getting confronted on it last night (ok it's after midnight.on a Sunday, you tell me what a handicapped person is doing out at that time and I'll give up my spot..fuckers..) I mossied along, gathering my random items, and would you believe, I was carded to by some engine chemical for my car? The cashier told me I don't look near 22..(ughh, 22..)

So then I went over to Amber's, handing out free Peeps to people in the process...that was a fun trip..for a bit of time they were arguing over finding a lost cassette of some recording..way to lose the tape Amber...anyways, I got a free banana cupcake which Amber wasn't ever going to eat..and I left the room in a tizzy all because Amber was going to try and go Vegan..LAME ASS...so I hurriedly got up and left on that note, with her stuffed dog still attached to my belt..I ran down the hall with it and in a brisk pace she came after..I made it to the stairs and I knew she hadn't thought out the process fully - and she had left her keys in her room, making it virtually impossible to come after me passed the hallway door...I eventually did give up the dog, she was almost in tears....which would be the second time I have cased her to cry in a three day time span..go me

from there I went to Mindy B's..I had called her up randomly and in a half sarcastic half real motive asked for food..(hey she said she would bring leftovers to me, and nobody jokes about free food with me..) so I showed up, we cleaned out her fridge in the process, some things had mold on them..it's amazing how people can't finish leftovers, it really is..so as I was finishing up the random food, she asked if I wanted to split some rice stuff she was about to make..uhh, of frickin' course...so she whipped up that and some chicken, added some cheese, put it together and I had another meal. she said she didn't like the way it tasted so I finished her bowl, and she gave me the rest to take home...(good god I seem to eat a lot don't I? fucking pig...)

And so we sat on the couch, watched TV, and it was those really cool episodes tat I like to watch too, you know the crime investigating ones..ohh yeah...and we talked about things...which was awkward and made her uncomfortable a bit, only because of who was in the house, whatever...yeah, I was able to get the answers I needed from the quick overpan she gave..4am rolled around and I headed out back home..to call it a night for myself...

going over there could be the equivalent of gong to the region to see Blue....it would have had the same motives, same hopes and aspirations....and consequently the same left downs...one was never achieved only because Mr Cynic beat up Mr idealist...but as the cynic was resting in his little throne, partying it up at the after fight get together, the idealist was out and about to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting town..had it been a couple days later I probably would have been wise and not went over, but I was still shell shocked from the cynic victant...there's nothing really left to be said other than I am the only cause of my biggest strives. my actions alone destroy what I build....













I'm not a concept. I'm just a fucked up boy looking for his own peace of mind. I'm not perfect.

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