Sunday, March 20, 2005

First Day Off...
..restraining myself

What a Sunday..of doing nothing, which in itself is doing a lot....

So after a dramatic buildup at work, emotions high, and getting myself to sleep with tears, Sunday arrived with a tough act to follow. I remember waking up around, getting angry, then going back to sleep..only to wake up a couple hours later...I knew being awake wasn't the best thing for me to be doing...with me awake, anything could happen..things I may regret, and since we are already on a streak of hating myself, sleep would at least keep me tied down to one central location not harming anyone but myself.

as the time past, I grew more and more restless...the trip to the region which start with a faint knocking on the back on my mind, boomed loudly over every thought..hungry wasn't even safe from the ravage...the night prior I had sent a text message out, I had an agenda, a game plan, a verbal ranting attack, one tat I had been putting off for the past couple days...I got my response early morning, 6am or so, and therefore wasn't in the right mind set to get into it..but as I was pacing the house I was too afraid to call..I sent another text at 7 which got an instant reply..and my mood changed

and there I was standing between a cynic and a hopeless idealist, the latter always being the victor in these situations, always up for a flight on a whims; and the former usually taking home the I told you so trophy at the end of the tournament. What was I to do..the question that has been asked countless times, and every time more important than the previous.

And as the time tick tocked away, my packed bags anxiously waiting for me, the battle raged on, the coin was useless, and I just wanted someone to make a decision for me - but something I wanted to hear - which would be having this situation not exist because either way I didn't want to do it..it was horrible, I can't stress enough how psychologically plaguing it was for me..

in the end, I stayed here - of course there was still the option of leaving at anytime and making it to the region by 6am...so I had to distract myself..I went shopping and meandered around WalMart for the longest time. the trip wasn't a good feeling, only in the sense that riding in my car made me want to go for a drive....but the trip proved more than beneficial to me; it was there I picked up the MacGyver First Season DVD Set - which would only come in handy later..

I returned happy with my purchases..Amber came over and we ruined something precious...something I was finally appreciating...and then I got drunk and watched MacGyver in the process. Would you believe there are 6 discs for the first season, and four episodes on each disc...amazing. needless to say, I only made it through the first disc...by 7:00am as the last caper was foiled by MacGyver I was faded as could be, then ensued the drunk dialing...it was great because Monday was the first day of classes for IU and people would have to be up in a couple hours anyways..so for those said reasons, people were actually answering their phones..and they weren't too happy, though most did get a kick out of it, everyone calling me crazy..good times....

so I guess the highlight of the night, well, not for me moreso for Amber, was right after I concluded the drunk dials...I was getting up to use the bathroom and call it a night/day...so as I stumble to a stand, I turn from the couch and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the credenza across from me. Instant shock smacks me in the face..my hands automatically go to my face in the "oh my dad covering my mouth" fashion, and I whined...I was almost in tears...my idea of not looking at myself til I was completely faded didn't turn out to such a great idea..though I couldn't see being sober and finally seeing that any better either....

a lot was accomplished...I watched MacGyver (who I have the hugest crush on it the world..), I popped the infamous Cinnabon popcorn, had a Cool Whip fight, got blitzed, drunk dialed, ruined my beauty, destroyed people's lives, got very belligerent, and I don't even know what else...

then I decided it was time to go to sleep, I did enough damage for the day...but as I got into the tent, I thought it would be a good idea to make a few more calls..which turned out only to be one, and it was a most sincere apology to Mindy B..about how much of a horrible person I was...

and thus concluded the day...












we all know that the best lessons come from mistakes we have made

No comments: