Sunday, May 01, 2005

Angry...
Fuck...

I think I'm more pissed than a tubesock on groundhog's day...

God, I'm getting so fucking irate it's retarded. honestly there's nothing I can do about any of all this, and it's just a vicious cycle. if I get pissed at work, there's nothing for me to do, I'm not gonna say anything to anyone, I'll just bite my tongue because honestly, who wants that type of employee, right? so I'm stuck there, inevitably for the next couple hours..I leave there..go hang out with people from work or something queer like that, but as the number increases I just get irritated. I'm all about one on one outings. hanging out with a large group of people is just like broken glass in the road.

so I'll eventually leave wherever I am at, generally not trying to cause a scene, make my exodus so blatantly obvious, and go back to 412....and that in itself is just fucking the end of the god forsaken road. Here we have housed two evils within one. Members of the house who are not only members of the house, but of Fuckslot. As if the tensions haven't been rising between fuckslot and myself, be it from disorganizing my room, playing while I'm sleeping, or just the horrible sounds they've been pumping out as of late, they up and decide to get a new "photographer" to boot. you know I should have picked up on some hints given from them...you know, them not giving a fuck about me, not caring to tell me about any of the upcoming shows for me to attend, whatever fuckers. and the best part of this is something that I've been asking for a long time. apparently they signed some shitass contract or something with this guy, and he explicitly said his name must be on every photo they put up on the web....well Jesus Christ, it was back in JULY I asked them to do that..which is right about the time they started uploading my pictures as well..

huh, fuck them, they can all burn in a fiery car accident orgy of death on their way to some show for all I fucking car...smash their vehicles right into each other and be impaled with their own fucking equipment as it flies through the goddamned window..and I wonder if this guy got paid..probably, seeings how F-slot said they would give me some money for all the trouble of taking pictures, paying to get into shows, buying film, developing it etc...well that was back in august...awesome...

and those same fuckers who don the name coinslot also live here..more awesomness let me tell you. you know, I stopped caring a long time ago..if anyone hasn't noticed, well those filthy fucks probably not, but people I invite over, they know what's up, that's for damn sure. as for cleanliness..I'd rather lick a public toilet seat than walk through this pen. I try to close my eyes whenever I walk inb the doors, run down through the house, down the stairs, and into my room where I know it will be safe...I'm glad as fuck these people love to compromise..oh wait, I mean do absolutely fucking nothing..people still bleed on the toilet seat and don't clean it up, toilet paper rolls don't get changed, not to mention the mess of random shit they call a medicine cabinet...and I don't care how it looks on the inside, it's all the shit they leave on the bottom shelves and everywhere else...I guess I'm too close to retail when I say, "everything has a home" (and let me just state for the record, this is far from my home..)((and yes, I'd rather be living out of my car in the middle of January than have to suffer the agony of being here..))(((yes, I do now know what hell is like...)))

but honestly, it's sad to see what their "clean" is...it's a fucking joke.."looky, I took a paper towel and got half of the shit off the stove..aren't you proud?!" it's sad to know that their form of trying is failing beyound a shadow of a doubt..and then when that happens, you officially suck. so congrats, if that was what your intent was..sucking. and among leaving shit everywhere out of place, constantly lights are on. I can come home at any given point during the day and this place will be light up like a god-damned X-mas tree. the only excusable thing I could see, is the porch light, for when I come home in the morning..but once 10am, or hell even 3pm reaches, the light best the fuck be off...as for the rest of the lights....YOU'RE A FUCKING SLEEP...and if you leave a room, and you won't be back for awhile, turn the fucking lights off....is your imaginary friend in there...watching the TV..no? I didn't fucking think so....I'm not asking you to do fucking exercises to get these lights off..due to modern marvels, there's a thing called a light switch, and mother fuck, they conveinantly put it right next to the door in which you are leaving...I know, I know, it blew my mind too...to think, as you are existing a room, the instrument used to turn off the lights in the room you are leaving is right there...someone must have been brainstorming that one....

oh, and there's still a problem with the fucking incense burning...I thought we had the agreement, "burn your incense in your own god-damned room, and that door must be shut at ALL times, even after you exit..and I won't spray air freshener in rooms you are currently in"..well apparently some fucking hippy forgot that, I came home with this place smelling like a fucking jimi hendrix concert and I wasn't too pleased..especially as I used the bathroom and became nauseous.

and as I have said, I don't care..which is probably the worst thing ever...taking away something I care about, something anybody cares about, has feelings towards, is like crumbling the foundation of any building...it basically collapses upon itself...we all build a world around us based on our views, the way we like things done, or standards, etc..and when ignorance gets in the way and eats away at that, they also eat away at the very core of your existence...they are like termites, infesting, destroying, til there is nothing left. I am devoid of anything, I am a walking apathetic, amoral son-of-a-bitch...all because of them. they couldn't give two shits about living like civilized people, like human fucking beings, and therefore negated my well-being..they didn't like it when I cared, and now my angry disdain towards humanity scares them...wow, those selfish bastards only caring for themselves..well they got what they wanted, at a cost they could care less about...

I did finally break a couple weekends ago..I couldn't make it downstairs in the 5 seconds it normally takes because so much shit was compacted in the walkspaces..oh, mostly fuckslot shit, but other random piles of ass were there as well..not to mention half eaten on plates, dirty utensil everywhere, a liquid-filled cup on my credenza (I think that's what pushed me over, the only thing people could adhere to was broken..and on top of that it was a beer bottle...as if those fucks need to lose any more brain cells....) so I was going to leave a note since nobody was home, and I knew somebody was going to find offence to it, but nobody was around so fuck that, fuck them...luckily for their sakes, they did enter just before I was leaving, and I asked them if they could take care of the place...they said they planned on it..everyone was just sooo busy. you know what..I don't give a fuck about your social lives, your public affairs, where the band will be playing today, tomorrow, whenever. you have a home life, and god damn it it reflects morly of you than anything else. so clean this place up before you go out and do whatever..God I sound like a fucking parent but it's god damn mother fucking right...don't go out and party, play a frat house and get drunk at 2pm, and come home to a filthy, disgusting place you like to openly call your home. clean up, then go out and fuck the world or whatever it is you sluts do.

and there's so much I can go into, but god damn it I won't...I'd hate to get so worked up at this computer I'd pass out from pure exhaustion...I don't care, I'm just waiting for the end, end of something I swear to fucking god. and as I said, this is barely the tip of the iceberg, just scratching the surface..and all this outwardly anger towards others is somewhat of a quasi-cover for other mixed emotions I don't dare to get into. I hate people, I hate being social....I need to live in my fucking cave and only come out when I need a thing of milk mother fuckers...

and to re-cap: Shut up you bastards of fat, don't fucking talk to me, I don't even want to hear your fucking high pitched, chalkboard screeching voices chit-chatting with each other in my presence, if you so much as make eye contact with me I'm liable to slit you fucking throat and spit in your eye...don't.fucking.cross.me....anymore.













life sucks and so do you, FUCK OFF!!!

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