Friday, May 20, 2005

Awkward Moments..
just normal in an awkward life....

what a fucked up day..if we never questioned things, things would be a lot simpler...

so the day started off as they all seem to..not really wanting to get up, get up early that is, and pushing it til the I hear the sound of money in my ears...I didn't get to go to any of the garage sales like I had "planned" on doing..but then again I kinda got to a late end the night prior by jabbering endlessly on these keys...anyways, I got to work..

I had four tables all day, I was cut at 1 so that does make a a difference, but I was one table sort of making a straight..the bills ranged in the twenty dollar area, and my tips were as follows: 2.oo, 3.08, 4.00, and 5.00..had I got one more table and they left me a one or a six, I would have had one hell of a hand...almost all suited too, had it not been for that .08...

so I was cut, drove past the yardsale that was supposed to be phenomenal, but it wasn't, and went home...pieced together the rest of the tent and that's when shit went south...

I called Mindy like she asked or whatever..and during our little conversation she asked if I was coming to the parties with her tonight..I probably would have, but there was something lingering on my mind that didn't settle right with me...I played dumb and was just making remarks about the party she was invited to, by random guys...well I got her to say she gave the guys her number..and that's what set off a moment of retardedness...

of course if you know the situation very well, then you might be able to deduct what my problem is...whatever....basically I don't like bitches I be fucking to give their digits out to random fucking frat boys who are throwing a party..especially when you're intoxicated...

of course people have different opinions on the reasoning behind a party; but it all depends on what type of party we be talking about here as well....one of those typical "college" parties, you know, the kind where there are kegs..and a lot of people..those are to hook up wit someone...now the parties I used to throw on Wednesday nights, those were never "parties" in the typical sense, henceforth why I called them social gatherings.."hooking" up wasn't a priority, just hanging out in a relaxed setting was the main goal..except for when we got down and dirty on the dance floor..it was about that too...

but as for most of the other parties thrown in Bloomington, and elsewhere for that matter, the purpose is getting some. those who host the party want to invite as many girls as possible, to better their odds that the one bitch who gets belligerent;y drunk and fucks anything will come to their party..they got to better their odds..and those attending the party..well the guys are trying to get to that girl before the hosts..and the girls...well I used to have an opinion on this, but from the girls I have spoken to, they all seem to think that going to parties is a fun event...they don't think about hooking up...I'd call them liars, but I don't want to make that statement yet...most girls are sluts, so they also want a hook up, whether it be a one night stand, or actually find a guy to date, they want something...

and there you have it....I have no problem with my girls being social, I have no worries from them...it's guys I worry about....I fucking hate and can't trust guys..I know their motives, their rationale, what they want...but I respect my broads freedom and allow them to go out without my supervision..and in this most recent case, it's because I trust them..I know they won't try anything with someone, no matter how hard the guy is pressing...but then with this random number giving out..it blow the door of trust right out the window...

I don't care who you are...if you are going to get upset because I talked on the phone to a female co-worker I said was cute, or because I went on a pretend date with a co-worker to a steakplace that we have had planned for a long time...get upset over that, knowing we aren't dating exclusively, but still get upset...and then you give out your number, while drunk, to some random fuck on the streets who was talking to you, inviting you to a party, with the intent of getting into your pants..and then wonder why I am taken aback by it all and won't go to the party with you...ughhh..fuuuuuck you.

so we tried to talk it over, but I told her I don't do serious conversations mid-day..that's just stupid...in my mind you go through your normal daily process, you let the gears go in motion, your habitual patterns go on..then the night comes, your mind is now free from the mundane shit and it cane do whatever it wants...then is when you talk about anything and everything...don't ruin your day with stupid shit...wait til it's all over, keep it bottled up, process it in your mind, get your thoughts ready, then let them loose under the moon..

so we left it at that..we both went to work later that day and she told me not to make things awkward at work..excuse me, umm, is my name Jason Angus..and is this not my life..oh right, every situation ever has been awkward, that's just how it is...you can't change that...so at work I was able to actually make eye contact..though I jokingly gave her evil glares, my only response, I had nothing else..and random mean comments..like when she told me, "for the record I did invite you to the parties tonight" I respond with" for the record I did tell you to fuck off and die"..and then she goes into well I was serious about mine..where I retort with me too....

yeah that's how things were...she tipped me out and said goodbye..I just looked..took a moment and then said goodbye..and that was that, no "call me" or anything of that nature..very interesting...oh, and this I believe is my very last official bussing shift? I looked at next week's schedule and under busser I am no longer listed..kinda scares me, kinda makes me happy...

so yeah...that's all for now...time for bed and do it all again tomorrow....













"Get out of my way..and get out of my life"

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