Monday, June 20, 2005

Broken..
Computers, hearts, idealsÖ

From the looks of things, itís not gonna be goodÖ.

So I have made myself a project, with it a timeline, though it really doesnít matter, isnít imperative onto anyoneís existence, but more likely destructive..whatever, itís stupid..and youíll get your copy.

So after work I wound down meeting two coworkers for lunch, driving around in a convertible no less? Whatever, after that break from things, I got right into action..went out and got a new burning program seeings how mine all suck, yes even Nero, which I have promoted since the ages, but whatever, it only likes MP3 files and doesnít not allow for any sort of transitioning or blendingÖ

So then I got home, and worked on getting the right tracks on the disc, in the order I wanted, along with all the blends and everythingÖthen I started working on a label? Yeah, so there was this label creator option..iíve never done that before but why not..letís step up my game, as if my normal compilations CDís donít rock shit as it is, letís good all balls out and make a cover for this shit!

Well my only problem is, I donít have a printer, in fact this house doesnít have a printer in it at all..and all my colligate buds are back homeÖwell ironically enough Mindy calls me, asking me about my pink jacket..so then I ask her if I could actually use her computer, of course she has no problem with thisÖ

So I eventually make my way over there and as I get into her room thereís this stigma in the air, her roommate is on her bed, mindy at her computer and myself just standing thereÖI felt like something was up, like, ìwhat the fuck is HE doing here..î

So I get on the computer, and thereís a problem..the CD I put in the drive isnít starting up..and then I try to go to ìMy Computerî and there isnít a single CD on this thing..now, just to give you a run-down, I installed a CD-RW into her good computer out of her old computer..but now, neither drive is workingÖ

So everything of mine is now on hold. I must fix this problem that I am sure I createdÖ.it gets better when I ask for a screw driver to open the case..she tells me to get it out of the little chest at the bottom of the stairs..i go down to search for it and low and behold, what do I findÖthe present I gave her one week priorÖ

--I was on a break from working a double at the OG on this particular TuesdayÖI stopped by, because I wanted to see mindy, and I also had a little present for her from my recent region trip. I went inside her place, handed her the gift, she got excited and literally in the same motion without hesitation threw it to the side. Now let me explain, we were standing next to the stairs, and that is where she tosses everything for itís ìon the way upî place..but still, I was in shock, and she was like, did I really just throw thatÖ

so back to today, I come a week later and the gift was still in the same place it was left..awesomeÖI just put it back in my pocket and wondered was this CD project really worth it? The only reason why I stayed is because I needed to fix her computer..well that and I really did want to get this CD done and over with..i kept saying to myself earlier how it would go into the pile of the greatest things I never didÖ

Well needless to say I never got the computer back to normal..it was nearing 2 when I gave up on everything and decided to leave, mindy was getting ready for bed anyways..but the walk to the door was probably the worst part of the entire day..knowing I was leaving, not staying, not going to join her in a nightís sleep, knowing I was going to an empty bed, and would wake up alone, instead of fighting off the heat.

I got to my car struggling..it took me longer than it should have to get inside, and once the door closed the tears formed and rolled. Quickly I jerked my head and made myself stop, stop the foolishness. I asked what purpose did I have for those actionsÖwhat main reason was big enough to cause that..sure many little things built up at that pointÖbut there was no reason, least I didnít want there to beÖ

I got home, sent some text messages, apologizing for the breaking of her computer, and tried to go to sleep..as I laid in my bed, tears started to reform, and again I was quick to dismiss them based on ignorance. Part of me wanted to call someone to talk to..but the other part thought it was way too lame..there was nothing to say, nobody would want to hear it, donít bother with other peopleís time ñ especially at 230 in the morning. So I cursed myself to sleep.













"computer restart noise.."

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