Saturday, January 21, 2006

A Going Away Party...
.happening one more time?

And Nothing More.

Today had to be one of the worst days, very easily in my top ten worsts, and I hope it's going to be the worst day of the year, let alone for many days to come...and it all started at an "early" time, early to me, at 8am..

So Mindy had to get up early for her bar shift..I on the otherhand didn't have to be at work til 1145...many hours later, but I hate it when my sleep gets broken up into..anyways, I have to take mindy to her car, which is still at the OG, so essentially I take her to work. as we pull in the parking lot I pull along side her car and my car dies. it's out of gas. the gas gauge has been acting up, and acting differently than the norm..I've been on E in that car, I know how far that needle can and should go down...whatever, so I switch into Mindy's car with my gas can to get gas for mine...the whole gas experience is made even worse in part by the temperature - yesterday it was in the 60's..however on this morning it was 37..and I was dressed like it was still 60...whatever...

I get home and somehow manage to fall asleep...so I wake up at the time I should be clocking in, great...and the best part is, our district manager is there today..and in preparation or tat I wanted to clean and press my uniform..but wit me being late I just got the stains out with some bleach...I call saying I'm going to be late, I blame it on the fact I couldn't find an iron (which for the record I cannot find, I had 2 and I know one I kept in storage..so where the fuck is the other one!!!!!????) so I am making sure my uniform is ok Tom looks and points to a huge light purple stain on my shirt..the spots where I had bleached turned to this periwinkle color..so he went ot press a shirt for me...

a couple of my tables were already taken when I got there, and I was in bianco, so whatever...and then Tom comes out saying he can't get a shirt ready for me due to the fact Bob is walking in right now. but then things get better...I get the stain out, and my disposition on things get a bit cheerier, don't ask me why...however my last table left me a whopping 6 dollars on a $93 bill..a-frickin-mazing, and I totally called it...

so mindy and I left, went to BK, which was horrible, and then over to K-Roger to pick up some final items for the night's party...after tat we went back to out respective places of rest, I was going to change and again fell asleep...got up, dressed and mindy finally calls to see where I am, I was supposed to be helping her..but she did call me like an hour or so after we got home...so as I am going over to her place I took the back way, third, to be quicker...well on that really narrow part, where it's a scary one-way, there was some bricks or shit in the road I couldn't avoid, and I nailed them, I didn't think it was going to do much damage, but it blew out my front passenger tire..as always...so I changed that stupid thing and found out the leak in my truck was worse than I thought, surprised the spare wasn't rotted away...

got to Mindy's, helped her clean and make up things...whatever, people came over to say there goodbyes to Robert, who was leaving to spend some time in Russia and then get a job somewhere other than the Olive Garden. the party was good..a lot of people showed up, but I still think the party held for Bailey last year trumps the size of any party to date...I was a pleasant drunk for the first half..which was good, got my mind off of things...Shady Katy showed up, I tried talking to her, but she really didn't want anything to do with it - she's more interested in Ping (Pong).

so then the second half of the party the alcohol it me and I turned into that other guy, that sad guy...I wasn't trying to mope around, but depression just kinda leaves you immoblized, so I just kinda sat around, which was the exact opposite of what I was doing prior..I made some phone calls...one to the Exgirl Brooke asking what should I do if I run into her on the streets..and one to the Exfriend Amber...we talked for quite a bit of time but the end of our conversation got interpreted when mindy called looking for me...so then mindy found me, I gave her her phone back and as more people came to where we were I left,and left the party..I texted goodbye, talked to Darrel about things and got into my car...mindy called and asked why I was leaving, and that she thought I was staying the night...this is where things get confusing..

yes I did say that, HOWEVER, we have to look at the entire conversation and how things played out...it was something along the lines of, "hey, just to let you know, I'm staying the night with you tonight *wink wink* " which was meant to be taken somewhat sexually..I mean I had my chance to go home with a number of attractive females, but I was letting Mindy know out of all of them, I wanted to be with her..so blew me off by saying "whatever"

SO, for her to later in the evening bring up that conversation where I implied sexual activities between us as HER defense for me staying over...let me rethink some things here....

I gave Rachann a ride over to Dreamy's..I stayed for a bit, wrapping up my story, having a bunch of gay guys try to get with me, I go back over to my place to get some clothes for work tomorrow and call mindy to see if she is in fact still awake..she is, she wants me over..so I get there, she's about passed out on the couch..I go straight to bed without saying a word to those still there..and then I text mindy..I'm asking her she wanted me back..what am I doing there...Robert brings Mindy to bed..Drapper talks about making out with me (which 'making out' rings well in Mindy's ear apparently) so she has me help undress her, she's cold and cuddles all up on me, and then wraps her leg around mine and kinda rubs it up and down..so it's on now..I figure what the hell let's give this a shot.

I roll her over and start to talk to her, with some kisses on the shoulder, just to see what her stance is on things right now. well she doesn't want any part of it, says she's tired, cold, and her stomach isn't feeling well, she just wants to sleep..so I throw the 'ol, you've never had a problem making out with me while drinking before. (for the record I don't think anybody really caught that...not even myself) so we start talking, me trying to find a deeper meaning for why I was there..trying to find some sort of profound reasoning, maybe she has bottled up feelings for me...so I'm talking to her, trying to get things out of her..she's trying to ignore my questions and go to sleep. I finally decided to get up and dressed, which catches her attention a bit more..she tries to pull the "you're made because I wouldn't sleep with you" card, to which I reply with no, not at all..I wasn't expecting to sleep with you tonight, not at all..I just wanted some indication, most commonly depicted in action form, but spoken would have been just fine as well, that there was more, that Mindy Bruce was trying to suppress feelings for Jason...

at one point she said she did find me attractive, but as the story always goes, she just sees me as a really good friend..a best friend..I ask her if that opinion would change if I stopped hanging out with her so much, take away this "friendship" and let's see what happens....so as I am starting to go..which happened often, she would try to get me to stay, asking me to just go to sleep...and that we would talk tomorrow...which is a straight up lie. so I ask her the final true or false question, the one that would make me stay or make me go..."you see me as a friend and noting more" those last three words would be repeated several more times trying to get an accurate answer for she went into sleepy "uh-huh" mode..but after so many askings I had my answer. I got up, repeated those three words one last time to her, turned off the light and closed the door behind me...she was in half sentence as I walked out..but it was too late, I was already gone mentally.


I left..through the front door though I remember telling her I would use the back, since I can't lock the doors behind me..but I went through the front and never looked back mumbling the words, and nothing more.













"you know, everytime we talk I get all uncontrollably shaky..."

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