Friday, March 10, 2006

I Don't Feel Like Doing Anything Today...
..I just want to lay in bed

and I barely even want to do that

ughhh, what a craptastic day...could you believe it's a Friday? well for starters I didn't go to sleep til 530 in the morning, fun stuff...woke up a little before 1 and I didn't want to get up..but tossed and turned because I really didn't want to stay in bed either..I finally got up and started watching TV..didn't I?

uggh, it was close to 3 when mindy called..offering me food if I came to put her tire on...which was one of the things that I had thought about doing while lying in bed I get ready for work and headed over to her place. I ate some fish sandwiches and changed her wasn't then, but it was then that I would come to look back on realizing, I do not like our relationship..the way it is now.

I could go into the semantics of it, but really, I don't want to give away all those little details, I need my privacy or after all that was wrapped up I said my goodbyes, told her to be safe and have a good time on her trip, and I was off to work. yeah, this is her Louisville trip she's been planning forever, just so happens that now it landed on her birthday..over spring break..and I didn't want anything to do with it...

so work was completely laaame. we weren't busy at all, and one of my tables got pushed together for a party....which sat for about 2 or so hours..awesome...I really wasn't having it, people could tell something was off with me, and to be completely honest, it was mostly that I was too tired and weak to do anything. I was upset with my life, but the weight of everything on my shoulders was what was really getting to me, holding back all that stress had fatigued me, my neck was hurting like none other..I just wanted to leave..

I finally got my wish at 9, when they went down to closers..on a Friday...and it just so happened that all my tables were getting up too, so I was out of there in a jiffy..cashed out, tipped out, walked out...making sixty dollars..on the way home I totally spaced a stop I was going to make until I was already at my I just went in and watched some more TV..

I wanted to watch a movie, but it didn't really feel right..I started organizing some paperwork when I first got home, but that was the most productive I was all day...I called mindy at the stroke of midnight to wish her a happy birthday, left a message, and that was it...

I would like to add that I'm not too fond of a certain someone's attitude towards me...this person has yet to be mentioned, but I was the first person who was nice to her at the OG and now, what do I get while I try to make conversation with her...a cold shoulder...people piss me off..what did I ever do to her that made her feel so uneasy around me..flirt with her? whatever...everyone can piss off....

and as friendships go, I mentioned earlier how I came to the point where I think the "friendship" between mindy and myself is nothing I really want, or rather how I want it to be. this "shitting ourselves" stage has finally struck a chord with me, a diminished seventh. I don't know, maybe it's wrong of me..I hate it when you lose something but still try to remain and act like it's all good...there's no passion in our relationship..she says she has a passion for her friends, but maybe I'm not seeing that...I really have not appreciated her attitude as of late...and yes I know women go through hormonal changes and they really don't mean it, but here's the great news...I don't have to put up with it because, well, as we established, she's not my yes, her feelings/actions/whatever are knocked down the scale of my concerns. sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. friends are friends and sure they're great, but once they start making you have to put up with them rather then just deal with them, then they have crossed the line.

and I'm not trying to down play friendships here, no, they are good..friends are there for you when you need them and vice versa, and sure friends may go through mood swings and you bare through it because you're a good friend, you stand by the people you care most about...but this...this is just f'ing retarded

I need passion.

"ugghhhhhh, my life sucks so much...."

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