Tuesday, October 14, 2008


My room feels like Siberia..
..and i wanna marry a stenographer..

ughhhhhh, don't you love it when a blog starts out like this....because that is how my day started...i hate waking up. be to work by 1030, doesn't sound too hard, but for me it is. i even go so far as to maximize my sleep time and push back my alarm til 958 - doesn't allow for a snooze what so ever. i just wish i could sleep when i wanted to and wake up when i needed...sleep will be the death of me.

and work, let's not even go there...lunch was dead, just as last night..i had 2 tables once again, making a whopping twenty bucks. i had a problem with my parking situation, hell, getting to work i ran into several problems..roads were closed around my house, people didn't use turn signals so i sat at lights, i had to park in the garage and the tools in front of me must have never parked there before because they creeped around the floors til they got to the top - and anyone who has ever parked there before knows to shoot right up to 7 before you slow down and look for spots..

i tried to get my parking validated for a reduced price over at OTB (that's off track betting, not on the beach) but they said i have yet to use my card, i was furious and asked to see someone..the manager came and checked out my card, he said yup, no activity, then i showed him the betting slips from today..he was confused and i got my parking ticket stamped....

i got home at 2 and all i wanted to do was sleep - but for some reason today must be my day (ughh, horrible joke since it's Tuesday...) and my phone was going crazy all day, this morning before i woke, and this afternoon as i laid there..but not only the phone, i was getting im'ed too...i just wanted to rest, but i suppose the constant communication was a good thing, kept me awake so i didn't fall asleep and cause me to be late to work at 4.

the laying down thing was a bad idea, it only made me feel worse...i feel soooo drained, emotionally, mentally, and physically...i can barely even think as i write this, these blogs have to be horrible to read, i'm sorry..

i told myself if they were taking a cut for work, i'd be their man, it's just too dead this week to actually bear having to be somewhere, i just need rest..i just need something..i find out there are two cuts for this evening..nobody makes the move..they continue with their preshift..they offer the cuts again...i hesitate..why am i hesitating, is it because i know i have nothing better to do, why not struggle through the painful 6 hours and make a couple bucks...i raise my hand, at the same time two other people do...i'm on a double so i get the automatic goodbye, and i go home.

i drag myself to my room; i feel sleep deprived, sore, heavy..i decide it best that i take a nap, a very short one, just to have enough energy to make it through the rest of the night. i set my alarm for one hour from the current time, i lay down.

i curl up, everything feels so comfortable, the air in the room is cold, the blankets keep me warm...i just can't sleep...are you kidding me? i was relaxed, but now that i can't sleep, my mind runs wild, my heart races, i realize sleep is not going to be possible, as much as i try to fight it, i finally sit up and pull my lappy over.

Joy is tempting me to drive to Ohio again this week...i think about it, you know..maybe that's not such a bad idea...all i need is the go ahead, a push, and i'd be off. i mean what else is there for me to do.. ....and the answer is as blank as the space between the dots..

Joy's confused with my last blog post, and you know what...considering the lack of, well, a lot, i can completely understand that...just like when you write theories and hypothesis for science, physics, whatever..you were told to be as wordy as possible...we practiced taking normal sentences and adding the most words possible but still have it maintain the same meaning...lawyers do this too, with contracts and so forth...all the prior mentioned areas were fields in which i pursued...so if my writing at times may consist of a lot of details, too many words,m fancy or pretty words, well, that's just how i know it, either you love truffle fries or you hate them...

not everyone loves Dostoevsky...but i do.

"oh, so do you swallow...because in my head two minutes ago you did..."

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