Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I Lost My Number, Can I Have Yours?

nice shoes..
wanna fuck?

and all of those other mind-numbing pickup lines people use....

so as my story begins i was working a tuesday lunch shift, only scheduled said shift - which is odd, normally the only single shifts given are at night, you either double breakfast lunch, lunch dinner, or single dinner...that's just how it goes....so Mr B Hewey cuts the floor at 1, normal, and goes around telling everyone we are down to the bartender and beth, this is what i was waiting for...

now you see - backstory - beth has made a deal with management (mainly because she wasn't making any money doing doubles..and she's not a good server) that she would be the person to work lunch, monday through friday, close it down, and that would be her only shift..she is the exception to the rules i stated before hand...

now here we go, we are both only scheduled lunch..so who closes? Hewey firmly believes he scheduled me on the night and after a quick look he apologizes, and changes it so that i close...well, that proved to do no good...after the cuts were made we had zero walk ins...wow..

so i'm sitting in one of the private rooms eating the family with a couple other people, shooting the shit when in walks soapy..she comes up to me and says, here, i got something for you to do tonight (first thought was motorboating those titties..but proved not to be right) she hands me two tickets to the pacers game with the admission pass to the court-floor restaurant which has windows in which you can watch the players practice in the gym..

apparently Hewey felt bad, or so the story goes, and handed the tickets off to me....whether i believe it or not looking back, i certainly did at the time because it was probably one of the nicest gestures someone has done for me in awhile (that and cooking and cleaning my room right before they fucked me...) but back to the real story....

so i take my roommate gary to the game with me, i figured if i didn't i would just hear him crying all night long as i tried to sleep..so i'm really doing it for myself, and i look like the good person in the end....we get there before the game starts and head to that restaurant...now, i've never been in Conseco fieldhouse, or on the court of any basketball arena so it was pretty cool...us, looking oh so special waving our special passes in the air like we were some sort of bigshots...us being let by the security guards as others were held back with outstretched green arms...ahhhh, if only to be famous for real...

so we get sat, order a couple of beers and look over the menu. the server returns and we ask him (him, the only guy server in there and we get a he....ughhhh) what he prefers from the choices we narrowed down..Gary gets the double dribble (two chili dogs) and i ask about the BBQ Pork sandwich to which he replies is good, in fact the family that makes the BBQ sauce daughter is right there - pointing to my left where i spy a cute little framed chick bent over at a table delivering food..i say, ehh, she's cute enough, i'll just go with that...

i never really got a good read on her face, but i was just making conversation, after the server left i asked gary if she was even cute at all - you always got to get validation from your wingmen - apparently she was doable, whatever that means to him...

gary goes off to break the seal and i wait patiently beer in hand when i notice that same girl coming towards me....i try not to make eye contact but she comes right up to me, right to my table...and brings me my appetizer - whoops, forgot i ordered that..i didn't even notice she had food in her hand..i'm such a tard....

so we get to talking, i ask her if she's really the daughter of the sauce makers, then i tell her the cute anecdote about why i ordered it..she's there for a bit when i notice gary returning from the restroom and he pauses in his tracks, he can't beleive his eyes...he comes and sits, which is exactly what i had been wanting this entire time..i don't want to appear as the creepy guy eating alone..i need to heighten my value to this girl, and my wing is just that..

she leaves, we eat the app and then our food arrives, all very quickly...moments later the girl, we will call her lacy, returns to see if i like the sandwich...its alright, but i get through with some witty remark...she makes a rolling stones song reference, to which i finish the line, and then gives me a thumbs up as she walks away..i've got time for this bitch...

we are finishing our meals, about to finish our beers when we i ask our server if he had the website lacy was supposed to give us for the bbq sauce...he said no but he would go and get her..just a few moments later she came back...

we talk, and we talk...we've missed the tip off and most of the first quarter, but conversation is good...she's witty, throwing comments at gary, and my favorite part of all this is, she did the boyfriend drop mid conversation... now, i find that to be my favorite part of any conversation...i giggle on the inside so much, it probably reverberates to make me actually giggle on the outside as soon as i hear it..i like how casually girls will just 'toss' in a comment about their boyfriend like it's nothing, like it's such a common occurrence, like the word 'the' or 'a'...but only deploy it at a critical part in the conversation....it's really an art these girls have...

i feel cheated at this point and start to trail out of the conversation, showing a disinterest - not because she has a boyfriend, but the way it was thrown out there, so cheaply...you think you're gonna get away with using the grade school lines with me..do you know who the fuck i am?!@ i play it cool for the most part, not trying to come off as some asshole who just wants to fuck - because in reality i am not, i just like socializing but whatever - i think i even made a comment prior to this bomb that i like meeting new people, trying to find the right ones who can keep up with me....

the conversation gets out of my control and gary is talking about partying...i know i've lost this girl now, gary is talking, and frankly, he works best as the escape goat wingman, making me look good...until he opens his mouth and makes everyone look bad...so i jump back into conversation, trying not to scare off this girl and like a pilot i a crashing plane, somehow managed to pull back on the wheel to get this conversation flying again....

we are both about to depart and lacy makes a comment about how we should hang out and party sometime...but she didn't know how to get ahold of us..now it was more sly than that, but that was what her intentions were..so i pulled out my phone and said, go crazy..she acted all uncertain, saying i may get fired, i highly doubt that bitch, just put your number in my phone...oh that's right, i don't give out my number, bitches give me their number - talk about game....

so i call it to make sure it's saved and we depart..we walk back up to row 15 behind the basket and watch the game...later lacy would text me because she missed a call from this/my number and wondered who it was...coooool

now my real point to this story is, duhduhduhdaaaaaa - where the fuck does a girl with a boyfriend get off giving out her number to two random guys?! i tell you what, if one of my bitches ever gave out her number to some fucking dudes who 'wanted to hang out' i'd slap her in the face....

unless i have networking abilities, job potential, or something beneficial to you like that, why the fuck are you giving me your number? guys and girls just don't hang out...oh shit, that's a whole different topic of conversation...let's stay on track with this one here....sure i like to meet people, but 90% of guys are not like me...they are much, much worse (if you can possibly imagine) so now my question is to you...would you ever do that...unless you wanted to fuck...right?











"wow, you're amazing..did you invent the internet?! - No, i just perfected it.."

4 comments:

Amber said...

one of your bitches?

Jangus said...

you know..that elite group of women that i keep around for me and don't throw to the throngs of my posse or anyone else...my bitches...

MyNameIsHippo said...

you are a goof...and your explaination of you flashing your passes reminded me of Wayne's World...I could just picture you as Garth, walking by everyone, shoving that VIP pass around your neck in everyone else's faces...it made me giggle...in the middle of my class...just FYI.

Cynthia said...

Yes, "elite group"! Woohoo!