Sunday, March 22, 2009

To My Roommate

The gariest of garys
the worst of the worse...

honestly i can only take so much of something before it ends up on my blog

now i will start off saying i mean this all in the nicest possible way..i can...granted i know what follows is nothing nice to say, i say this all as maybe a way or form of self-help for the individuals involved....that being said, i will expunge....

so my roommate has taken a turn for, what i would like to call, the worse - this happens often when you are around me i've come to find out - but what's worse is that he's taken my teachings and gone to the dark side, so to speak...and now he's a complete typical womanizer in the worst way...

let me go back...it didn't start with me, please...he is a text book shallowly conceited self-conscious person...he's the typical 'was the fat guy in highschool..now he goes to the gym, tans, wears designer clothes, and is completely self absorbed with his image' - we had one not too long ago back in Btown, a friend with an eating disorder and a problem with alcohol...but at least he had brains to hate the world with in a bitter fashion (hence the drinking problem)

but back to gary, the real problem at hand. so fast forward to more recent times, mardi gras..i took this cat down to bloomington to celebrate and have a great time with - which we did - which started off this whole new-found love/bloomington kick...it was then and there that i tried to explain to him some of the essentials for how to pick up woman, mystery-esque, for those of you who have maybe witnessed the VH1 show - just a little bit of social engineering. but maybe i pushed him too far...maybe he took the training into overdrive because he, well, has turned into a soulless person...

...it's like he's back in highschool where it's "cool" to see how many different girls you can fuck...as if the amount of pussy you get somehow determines your value in society.

now you might be reading this and say, how is that any different than the jangus method of womanizing...well, let me tell you, in short...the systems i have with woman are of a complex, and lengthy matter - there's a story for everyone in my life...and, well, i cause woman to fall in love with me...that's my shtick i guess...when the creator was given out abilities to all the soul about to be born, i got "having every woman you meet fall in love with you, for at leat a moment"...yeah, the person behind me got "professional athlete", fricking Clint Dempsey....

i won't go into detail with my deal any further..that's a whole nother blog...back to Gary here...so it's just not the womanizing that gets me, it's that he thinks he's a 'good person', or 'not that guy' the entire time - it's this curtain hanging in his room at his parent's house from reality that i want to burn down and make him grow the eff up. we've tried having interventions with him, the other roommate phil has made comments to him several times about everything i am saying right now...but to no avail...he wishes to be 'not that guy', but it couldn't further from the truth..and what's even more messed up is that he thinks that people think he's 'not that guy' and so he wants to keep up that impression..but people see through it, and just like the penguin that meows, people look at him like he's a fool..

but the icing on the cake, to go along with 'not being that guy' is his total disregard for any sort of 'guy code'. He tries to fuck friends, family, exes...whatever has the time for him he'll try to put his dick in...and here's where personal experience comes into my rant so no longer can it be unbiased as i have been burned on several accounts by his ignorance...

i know nobody of importance will read this, as all his friends and flappers are not my friends - i keep my worlds separated, but he can't say the same thing...ironically enough it is just the opposite in the case of my friends..he likes to add anyone i've ever known for some reason..and to anyone that will make the claim that i'm 'jealous'...really? please, i have my own following and herem...

so if anybody cares, do something...if not, we have a 26 year old highschooler on our hands..










"i'm sexting like 3 girls at once...or....i totally could have fucked her"

4 comments:

Amber said...

Umm... your value in society IS determined by how much pussy you get. Duh.

Also, when expounding upon your god given talent, you forgot to mention the part about making all of those girls go on to wildly hate you one the time that they love you is over.

Anonymous said...

So as not to cross any sort of boundary established by "guy code", I suppose I'll remain anonymous.

I believe my only purpose is to relieve you of your guilt. Your "teachings" as you call them have been misinterpreted by a frail, insecure little man. While I am sure your methods are effective... in the wrong hands, they are just plain pathetic. Any mildly confident, semi-intelligent woman can see right through the fa├žade that is "Gary's" shtick. Especially when Gary presents two sides of his vagina-chasing dating methods: the confident-designer clothes-I tailor my jeans side and the emotional, fat boy cowering within a newfound, egotistical mirage. Both of which are unsuccessful in conquering pussy.

So basically, my point is... Gary is "that guy." However, he is horrible at it, but many dumb women later, he may perfect his craft--or he may not. My guess is the latter.

Jangus said...

Kat..my response to you ended up being my new blog...please read.

Phil said...

To Garys defense.....
After careful and lengthy observation I've determined that it is not Garys fault he is the way he is. It's outside of his control, like a disease that is imbeded deep into his genetic code. The symptoms manifest themselves, and may even be treatable for a time; but, the cure is lost on us forever. Thus, Gary is doomed to thousands of years of evlutionary genetic behavior.