Sunday, June 14, 2009

Ok Ok Ok Ok

I know, i know..
don't hate

it's working..dirty seconds - said in ugly spanglish accent

alright, here we are again, a lack of updates and another sunday trying to play catch up..which reminds me of a joke...a pappa tomatoe, momma tomatoe, and kid tomatoe.....anyways, i digress

of course as i finally plop myself in front of my computer all bits of stories and whatnot flies away from me like the lint and dust from the cushions. i really do want to get 'back on track' as much as i know that statement to mean. and what i'm about to say will upset a certain person, but dammit you can't please everyone, so i have stopped trying....

i had a visitor for the past two weeks, and although i appreciate having people that want to spend time with me, it's the same story of girlfriends past told time and time again. situation is people enter my world and then my world, as i knew it, ceases to exist. whenever i have had visitors/girlfriends/whatever i sacrifice myself and my rituals, the betterment of myself, for the other person...i know i'm not the only one to have ever done many times have you had some sort of daily ritual, whether it be school, work, working out, yoga, whatever; that, when someone else enters your realm, the former is skipped out on.

now i am going to receive some heat from this, but no offence, i'll blame myself..i try to make time for the newer element by sacrificing every little thing in world....i'll take off of work early, i'll skip the gym, i'll not get the mail..i try to make the most out of the other persons visit, that, by the time it is over i m almost relieved, which shouldn't be the case...

and yes, i hear over and over "you don't have to do all that, you can do what you normally do" but people don't say what they truly feel or i know better..i know they don't want to sit around while i run my errands or do whatever after they just sat around for the past 8 hours while i was at work...

but it isn't limited to visits, as the most recent case may suggest, it's girlfriends in general....girls really do equal money times time (and therefore the root of all evil..)... sure i grew up as an only child, sure that's how i like things, sure that's what i am used to - and sure i may be a all adds up to me not being a fan of changes in my life that i lack control of.

what am i getting at...simply i am doomed to be alone for the rest of my life....because i have spent too long giving up parts of my life for other people only to not have them in the present..i guess i need to look out for number one...but in that process you'll be called selfish - those are just some of the contradictory quotes i've questioned while growing up - and still if you're real you'll be called jaded, if you hide it, you're called fake..efff it.

"you're a vacation when i didn't need one"

1 comment:

Amber said...