Tuesday, February 23, 2010

You're So Vain

You probably think this post is about you...
don't you? don't you? don't you?

Well, actually, you'd be correct this time...

Ever since the dawn of time, going back to The Paleolithic era, when man did something there was always someone else right there who questioned 'why'. It's nice to see that we as people really haven't developed much over the years, well, at least those types of people.

Ever since i started blogging back in, ohhhh 2002(?) i've been posed with some resistance as to why. Granted the voice of the nominal few, maybe consisting of just one person at any given time, screams loudly every time. Funny how criticism doesn't work like a democracy

it was after many demands from several people that i start writing in a blog - it was the up-to-do thing back then, and after hearing the arguments and sitting on the idea, i finally hopped aboard. However my lifestyle of writing did not begin there, nor did my time spent on my computer - in order to do that we'd have to go back further in time, enter me as a young and innocent child.

In my house i grew up with a Commodore 64, obviously it wasn't mine, though it seemed to fit the bill as my first video game system if you will; but with floppy disks, basic commands, and a keyboard it was a computer. it was with that system that got me all into computers - but that's for another time and place, this is just a precursor to let you know how deep the roots really go..

as for writing, well, once again you can blame my parents for that one. One random afternoon my mother came home and handed me a journal, i had to be about 7 or 8 at the time, and she told me what it was and how to use it, essentially. now i was more of a jot down random notes and draw pictures in my notebooks type of kid, so this was different for me. Just like judo, i think my parents thought the journal would be a good outlet for...something; anger, depression, only childism..something that's for sure...

as time progresses, humans grow, technology is developed which further helps us grow and further develops technology; so naturally journals were given a more modern appearance. instead of writing with an ink pen onto paper, why not type away those thoughts at an illuminated screen..and you know what, instead of saving those entries as files in a cramped folder, why not use a website to organize everything for you - heck there's a whole bunch of customization to come with it too, plus you have your very own space out there on the internet..

now with this movement comes natural resistance, mainly that the purpose of a journal/diary/whatever is solely for you and your eyes only - how embarrassing would it be if someone got a hold of your journal and read through the pages..learning all your little secrets..then spreading them like wildfire to everyone around...remember those days, remember how any TV show ever made had at least one episode about a similar situation..why on earth would anyone willingly take those same scripts and publish them for all to see...

anne frank did it

this "craze" would not have caught on decades ago, in the 40's or 50's or any other time really - back then things were more 'hush hush' and not so wildly talked about, everyday topics that you yourself may speak of openly now. the tight lipped society that once was is now just a thing of the past, again, as time progresses so grows human nature.

Something so controversial as telling people your secrets is now welcomed with a warm embrace by people not only reading, but sharing their thoughts and ultimately making the writer feel at ease with an electronic connection. but this is just the warm fuzzy side to the story...

with the good is the bad. the wrong people could eventually find your blog; companies/employers/co-workers/family members/etc which could lead to many problems (only making you write more!) i've had this run in time and time again. first it was with school not liking what i wrote, then it was onto an employer, then it was girls i was casually dating - what it came down to was people couldn't stand reading the truth. Uhh, to know that you had thoughts and feelings that weren't what they wanted you to feel, to be human HOW DARE YOU! what the crap ever and grow up.

i remember walking out of a job because they came across my blog and were "shocked" by their findings - again another story, another time, but most of my problems occurred when all this was a new thing, the internet was just a-booming and b-logs were just about to be taken over by angsty, goth kids on livejournal.

people weren't accustomed to this - it was a form of change that, unless you were smack dab in the middle of the actions, you wouldn't "get it" til the effects rippled outward to you...i got that, not at first as i have that ethnocentric mindset to where if it's happening to me it's happening to everyone (just like as a kid, i had a fireplace, santa came down the fireplace, i thought everyone had a fireplace, it's in the frickin' stories, it just made sense) - but once i realized that someone wasn't on the same ship as me i told them to get onboard...i guess maybe i didn't get it after all.

people are stubborn, and those stubborn people are the ones who question "why?" if it's one thing that will set me off as quickly as a flip of a switch, it's questioning me. if i'm doing it, there's generally a reason, a good enough one to do it. if it's plans or planning or something along those lines, there's a complete and thorough thought process behind it all...like a game of chess every move i make has it's rationalization, its justification, and it's more crucial than it's preceding action. if you ever hear the great lines of "Don't.fucking.question.me" uttered by yours truly, you are probably one question away from having my rage unfurled.

but that's the extreme in this instance and we are talking about why i write and why others bitch about it. i'd like to say i have a following, it may be small but they say, if you can reach one person....but seriously, when i have this thing actually being updated on a daily basis, things flowing like a well oiled machine, it draws a crowd, i should know, i have a site meter set up. with more readers comes, well, more readers..and since the odds aren't in my favor i'm bound to have a few haters jump on as well.

and as i have discussed it's those stubborn people who cannot accept the change in society that is happening around them, who aren't socially secure in themselves, who still need a curtain to hide behind that have problems with other things in their life but take it out on me..ME talking about what is going on in MY life. They can't face reality, don't want the truth to be heard, to be told, to be known, or worse, accepted in their own mind. escape goats and excuses are used by people who can't man-up to their own fate - again different blog.

i'm sorry if that type of person comes into my life because then they will be exposed to an element which they are not used to, not ready for, and me being as relentless as i am, won't give in just because of their perverse differences. if anything i try to change them of those foolish ways, in my head it's for the better - i call people out when they need to be called out (in fact that was a new year's resolution many a year ago "call out people more often" see where that got me)

here, best example, i remember not too long ago when i wrote a post that basically foreshadowed (all you need is the first paragraph) what was to come with an ex-girlfriend. i virtually hit the nail on the head with that one - but i come to find out that she got really upset over this passage. i tried to wrap my head around all the things i said in that post, other posts, all posts and came up blank...i wasn't out to get this girl, so my portrayal of her was still in a good light, deserving of it not really. it would only make sense in time to come...you see, she wasn't upset with the fact that i wrote about her (maybe slightly), it wasn't that i was putting our relationship up for the world to see, no, you know what it was...it was the fact that i was right about it the entire time. i had her all figured out before she did. i knew the truth, and told the truth and like a few good men, she couldn't handle it...

the truth..now there's a blog i've been itching to write about, but i guess i do hold back on some things from my life...maybe when i finally get it figured out i'll let you know, probably not...there's so many unwritten chapters in the book of my life that have no corresponding pages or even footnotes in other's books. they say winner's write history, so who are the one's that refuse to write anything...

i don't like or appreciate when people who don't understand take a malicious defense - especially on something so widely and openly accepted. something such as blogging, using social networks, actually using the computer to do things other than make an excel spreadsheet. this is here and now people! it doesn't matter how old you are you should be taking part of the revolution that is going on around you currently...get involved..be active within it...i dailybooth, it's fun, it's like a picture blog for when i don't want to write a blog - it's an involved status update..it updates my twitter, which...i think everyone from new borns to my dog have now. i chose to be apart of that community, are you going to sit here and tell me it's wrong, i can't, that it's...childish?

are you kidding, is that the best you got, because if it's childish to be apart of a society that's trying to unite people across the world with stupid little websites where people can say or do whatever they want...if it's childish to let your feelings and emotions out, to act on the first amendment, not in a sense to cause problems or drama, but to just vent..then i guess you'll have to call me a baby.

seems like a childish response, to call someone else childish...and yet isn't it childish to be selfish..you know, like eating your cake and having it too..throwing temper tantrums..yelling at people who don't deserve it..always wanting it your way..getting whatever you want, spoiled....wait..wait....wait. fuck.

So for those of you who sit patiently while the site is at a stagnant lull, i appreciate you. to those who write to me and ask me to write some more, i thank you (i believe the best line was "really all i want for christmas is for you to blog again") thanks to all the support and swift kicks in the ass, because as much as it's supposed to be something beneficial for me, we all know i rarely do things for myself...

And i'll close now with probably the best response to this sort of public out-lashing towards people who use the internet was this video i found about a year ago...it's from jill hanner who i started to follow, then she just got annoying, but the video is still in my vault as one of my favorites, enjoy...


"Is you sick from the dick or is it the flu? -It ain't about you or your bitch ass crew"

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