Monday, March 01, 2010

The Straw

that broke my back..
but didn't silence my voice...

the tale of childish games and those who play them

it may come to no surprise that i can endure a lot of shit, take a lot of heat, bottle a lot of things up - but of course when doing so, there's always a breaking point, and someone else behind the explosion..there's always somebody pushing the buttons, crossing the line too many times that causes the building up, and then the final burst...tonight was no different

the story starts off on a positive note, not the typical case of the mondays. it was one of my days off and i planned on getting things accomplished, or so i thought. one of my fellow co-workers sent me a text saying they were sick and asked me to pick up - having my hopes set on doing some of my goals even with the late wake up time i agreed contingent upon a later in request was granted and i was due in at 5

that gave me plenty of time to go to the gym, the bank, get some food, shower, whatever it is i do...all this put me in an uber-good mood - so much that even though i walked to work i was still early.

i was livin' the dream, but this would all come to an end soon through the actions of another co-worker. whether they were jealous to see me happy or what i'll never know, i just know that her intentions were to bring me down, without a doubt.

i knew this co-worker had a problem with me, she wasn't thrilled to be working the same night i was working as displayed by the huge grunt/sigh she let out as i said hi to her as she walked in. from there i decided it best to just go on my own way and to some degree ignore her..basically keep things and us separate...but again, those were my wishes, evidently she had others..

my station/section was located in the front, so i spent a majority of my time up there. and in the beginning of the night any time i would make my way to the back, for whatever reason, i would naturally cross paths with her - as i would cross paths with many other employees..but this one co-worker in particular found reason to make a scene or say something every time i walked by. and any time i start to talk to someone, whether it be my SA, manager, or whomever, she had to chime in with incoherent dribble directed at me.

this was so much of a spectacle that other employees were asking me what the other co-workers deal was, why was she being, and i quote, "such a bitch" to me. i played it off best i could, i put my blinders up and tuned her out, until we finally had a confrontation.

the co-worker was still hung up on a situation that occurred almost a fortnight ago with one of her tables. this was evidenced by her remark to me asking if i was gonna call her a liar to her tables tonight or if i was gonna talk shit to her tables again tonight. Long story short there was a mis-communication, something playfully said, something taking in the wrong context, and something heard as they wanted to hear it.

All in all i've been wanting to resolve the problem from the start, but any time the conversation is brought up i'm not allowed to say my side of the story and cannot get a word in edgewise - that other co-worker is always the one to get angry and walk away..just as she did tonight, saying she was over it, that it wasn't an issue any more...but, if that were the case, then why did she bring it up i replied back, only to have her walk away in anger yet again.

Let's not forget to mention she kept throwing away my drinking cup in the back..or let's forget

then my buttons were pushed for the last time. as i mentioned i was in the front, i had a ten top, that was my one point i ran to the back to get the third diet for this gentleman at my table and noticed half of my apps were up in the window, knowing they were just about to come up and my table wanted me to take the orders when i returned i called out to the kitchen, to a group of the "tan coats" asking to run my apps if they could, would you believe that the aforementioned co-worker was amoung this group.

so i took the orders on my ten top, it took some time because there was a meeting and everyone i went to would start i made my way around the first five orders, my mind is elsewhere, i keep glancing at the private room's door..expecting to see my apps walk in any moment...i keep waiting..i keep taking orders..and still i wait.

once i finished with all the orders with still no apps on the table i quickly made my way to the back..there i find a manager and said co-worker waiting for my apps to come back out. yes i said back out, for as you see they sat in the window too long and lost their temperature..this irked me to some degree, but wasn't until that co-worker made a malicious comment about me not being able to handle a ten top and killing my apps...

i stopped in my tracks, mid-sentence, turned around and started to leave the kitchen...i always try to just remove myself from the situation for i know how bad my temper is and i know that's what they say a bigger person should do...but just as i was about to leave the kitchen my boiling point hit and i turned back around.

i cursed some expletives, cursed the people who did not run my food, and cursed the people i pay for not running my food...i think the choice word was "fuck" this time...i left the kitchen and headed back to my table where i was to do random filling of beverages and so forth...i left the private room to see the co-worker leading out my apps with the manager en route. the manager tried to say something as we passed by, but i was on a mission, tunnel vision maybe.

i took my angry little self back through the kitchen, through IRD, and out onto the back dock to walk around and get some air...i don't know why we in the industry do this, but we do. those back alley's aren't for deliveries and smoking, the garbage cans and receptacles have seen their fair share of kicks and obscenities shouted their way...

i wasn't to that point, i just wanted to remove myself from the restaurant to recompose myself for the rest of the night. i always think back to those moments i've had a CPJR that were similar to this, but standout more i think because they happened more often..though it seems this place is catching up.

it's one thing to fuck with me an entire shift, to say shit, to mess with my drink by putting lemons in it..but you cross the line when you fuck with my guests - to deliberately not run my food and cause others to disregard it in some sort of power struggle or revenge is flat out psychotic.

when people do shit like that it reminds me of my first serving job at Blue Bird..there was an expediter who had a crush on me. we had hung out but once i knew she had "just a friend" who was an ex trying to get back with her i ended things..not to mention on those few occasions we did hang out i thought she wasn't on the level..only to prove myself right in the upcoming story..

as i said she was the expo at my work..controlling my food in the window..when my first couple of tickets suddenly "got lost" i thought nothing of it, it was busy, there were actually two expos that day as i remember..but as i pieced it together it was only food coming from her side that "wouldn't show" and when i asked her to "re-make" the items i needed she at first played the "sympathetic" card and told me she was remaking them...but after i continued to wait and the items were never made and i went to her a second time i got the "sorry 'bout ya" look and shrug...needless to say she didn't work there much longer...

it's sad how people will let their personal life interfere with their work life, and vice versa..though i think i can understand a bit of that...but then again..there's some people who i just hate working with because they suck at their job, but meet them after y'all clock out and it's a different story.

the show continued for the rest of the evening's shift. the co-worker continued to talk shit to me whenever i did something "gee, surprised you actually helped out" and other things. she refused to help me run out any other food for my table throughout the evening as well, as i "never thanked her for running my apps out" as she put it.

all i can say is this whole situation amazes me...the childish way she acts towards me, the malicious way she attacks'd think it was HER who had something over ME...but this is not the case, in fact it is just the opposite...she should be the one walking on eggshells...and now i remember, the one request i asked of her since the beginning...i said do not cross me, do not upset me, do not cause ill will in my life and i will keep my silence.

and i have given the co-worker a chance to apologize, to settle things, to make things right in the universe once again..but i have a feeling i'll be asking Mr. Gorbachev to tear down that wall..

"for once i've met someone who is more childish than i am..."

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