Sunday, June 27, 2010

Do What I Ask of You..

..not because i said it
..because you WANT to do it

because sheep are common, sincerity is rare...

I don't like telling people what to do - i know i know..i know what you are thinking..don't you constantly tell people to "fuck off", isn't that telling them what to know what i say to that, fuck off...anyways, i don't like telling people what to do, i don't like asking people to do things either - granted it's a form of a psychological behavior characteristic where i have a fear of dependency - nothing is really ever going to change that though, soooo it's still my reality.

i don't like asking for help, whether i'm at work, walking down the street, whatever; not because i have some macho complex where i feel as if i can do it myself, it's because i don't like putting people out like that. i don't want to ask for help because i don't want to inconvenience someone, i don't want them to do something they don't want to this goes into a deeper thought where i'd say, if they really wanted to help, they would have asked or jumped right in...if they saw me carrying a bunch of shit they should have done the right thing and held the door open..

so this goes right into, i'd rather let people fail me and let me down, then try to keep them on a level of respect they don't really deserve. if i were to ask fucktard to "hey, can you hold that door for me" and they did, sure it betters me for a moment since i won't have to struggle to juggle the groceries, swipe my card, catch the door with the three seconds i have to get it opened and get in..but it doesn't do anything for the credibility for that other person...they did something because they were told to do so - granted they didn't have to, but in their minds they have done their one good deed for the day, even though it wasn't a real act of genuine compassion, they were merely doing it to not feel bad about being a horrible person.

All this is exactly the opposite of how i act; i'm more likely to give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. i constantly put myself out there for other people, i do things for them, that, i wish people would do for me - it's like a twisted form of the golden rule - i do those types of things for people because that's the kind of respect and love i liked shown in return. i'd never ask someone to move to be with me, but you better believe i'd move for them without their ever questioning it.

And the same goes for things that were asked of me as well. One of the greatest compliments I ever received was actually never said to me, but rather relayed back to me through co-workers. Someone said, "Jangus could have twenty different things going on, but if you needed something and you asked him, he'd have twenty-one.."

Now granted i may put the needs of others before mine a lot, i may do things for people that i wouldn't do for myself, i also put forth a faith in people that is greater than it may should very well be. i think that because i do all these things for people, i will someone see the benefits in return, when i will need them..

take work for example...have you ever been the one to constantly pick up some slackers shifts time and time again...only to have when it came your time to cash in one little favor in comparison to the many you've done for them...your request is not met...this is how my life works.

And though i know i stated i don't like to ask for certain things, i will occasionally do so...but it only becomes a bigger slap in the face when once i asked for certain said thing to be done or not done..only the opposite continues.

when it comes to certain relationships i'm not going to tell you what to do or what not to do, i may give some ground rules on what i'd like to happen or not to happen, what would hurt me, what would make me happy, but i will not chain you up like an outside dog and say stay. you are given the power of free will, i'm not going to stifle that. HOWEVER, in caps for a reason, your actions make up your own destiny...

My relationships with people are very similar to that of god's with people...yes you have the ability to do whatever you want...buuuuuuut, there's things i'd not like you to do..and if you do them, well, we won't reach that nirvana. (Hi, i'm god)

all this is really is just an ongoing test - test my patience and fail

prove to me that you're worth my time, and i'll do the same in return...

only you can prevent forest fires..

"Kiss me, please kiss me, But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation."

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