Tuesday, August 03, 2010

3am Confessions You'll Never Hear

the moments of clarity..
..at our most insane of times...

i can't sleep, enough said.

it's pushing after 3am and i'm wide awake, funny how just three maybe four hours ago i was ready for bed...actually, i was IN bed...yes it needed both the bolding and the caps. i'm merely distracting myself now, doing the one thing i hate the most while writing. focus..focus...

i can't really focus because my mind is mush, bouncing from one intangible to the next. Bob Dylan said never look back, i find it easier said than done...actually, everything is easier said than done when you think about it - i ask of you to try and prove me wrong on that one, i do not have enough energy, devotion, or time to ponder myself, so i continue...it's actions that speak louder than words (unless you have a microphone hooked up to a sound system, then that could get loud...)

i can say all day that i would go sky diving....but until i do, those are just words - and sure sometimes all we have from people is their words, but as we all know, people's words are as good as the breath they are spoken from. (i like it when people chew gum) all people's words do is give you a false sense of security, actions prove (or disprove) their words.

i'm highly off subject right now, as i said, my mind is not anywhere i want it to be. this post will be found too late, nobody will check this in the next couple of hours, and by then, well, we will have wrote history....for the better i am hoping..this is like one of those suicidal cries for help that is left on a voicemail..only to be found much after the fact by the person who said, damn, i always miss their call - i lol'ed. of course, none of this makes sense right now...and i'm not even sure it makes sense to me honestly.

i may be known for saying the truth, setting people straight, calling it like i see it, telling it like it is..but why is it when i want to tell these "truths" that they can't be said, or they won't be heard, or if all those work, it still won't matter in the end. it's hard to get closure when people shut you out of their lives. but then again they say, better late than never?

this writing thing sure is fun..this is probably one of my more chaotic rants, and it never really even eluded to anything at all, but i definitely am enjoying it...maybe it's the daily posts i have to write for school that are making this post possible - did he just say school?! - holy balls i did...i guess i don't update this thing as much as i should..yeah i go to school, yeah it's online classes, yeah what of it.

i made a move, it's beyound risky, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. this, and these, will be the next defining points in my life..and that's a little messed up to say. with all that stress piled on me, it's no wonder i can't sleep and my mind has turned to cottage cheese, without the syphilis of course.

i'm nervous..and i can't sleep...i'm afraid...and i can't sleep..i fucked up..and i can't sleep..i'm doing everything i can..and i can't sleep...and it may not be enough

"can't sleep, clowns will eat me..."

P.S. i just tried to label this post...yeah, i think i got carried away...

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