Friday, November 26, 2010

Ok, Ok, OK

bad luck..

or just plain ol coincidence....

November is coming to a close, thank the lord, but not after wreaking enough havoc to break my will. Clean-up time on the damage is approximated at a year, I feel like New Orleans...every time things start swinging back, here comes another disaster...maybe I should disappear for the entire month and see how that goes....actually, I'd probably wind up missing and never come back...scratch that thought.

Believe me when I say I do not wish these things upon me, and I do my best to not acknowledge it is November, but for some reason there's a holiday or two in that month that remind me what it is, ha. Now yes, shit happens in any other month, just like..well, normal. So why is it that November's disasters are so cataclysmic? Is it because I put this month's treacheries up on a pedestal, shine light onto them and elevate them to be worse than any other of the month's mishappenings? maybe.

I wrecked my car last year in November..actually it was the weekend of Thanksgiving..roads were slippery, lost control of a car that has all wheel drive and I spun out. Well as luck may have it, I wrecked my car this year, in November, on the weekend of Thanksgiving - this time the road conditions were ok...operator error once again.

I lose girlfriends in November...maybe because I get all weird, push people away, or whatever it is I do, but people around me tend to not be around the following months. And the sad thing is, it's never how I want it to be. Unless I tell you to Fuck Off, I'm pretty sure you're still ok to be around me. Their presence is what I am counting on to make it through the month of why drop the bomb on me during one of my most vulnerable times..haven't people ever heard you can't beat a dead horse.

my seasonal migraine flares up in November, causing me to lose focus on everything around me...people, work, activities, school, etc, all become effected by my huge change in demeanor. I do not want to be cold to them, but it's out of my control. I explain to everyone what is going on, but does little..when it goes on for a week, people just think I'm being a dick...and this is the one time I'm not actually trying to be a dick.

And let's not even talk about the Seven years of Tears, as I lovingly have called the UofM's streak for losing to those assholes in the armpit of America...Fuck the Buckeyes.

I try to fight it all off, I stand my ground, try to hold onto those people, try to not let the accidents and everything else get me down..I know it's coming and so I do my best to dig my heels into the ground and hold firmly...I know the month is going to throw everything at me, but I know I have to keep standing up when it does..I know all this, but yet still at the end of the day, the end of the month, all the fighting and all the garbage has taken it's toll.

This past week has been no different; each day bringing a new offense to the table, and nothing gets resolved as the next day rolls in, eventually the weight of it all added up cripples the psyche and November leaves me there to rot, to suffer, but not to die...that would be no fun.

As my corpse of a shell lay barely hanging on, my soul tattered and frayed feeling like a war-torn village, December creeps in, dropping snow over me. The commercialization marches over without taking notice, of me, of anything in it's path to profit. I lay. alone. in the cold.

maybe next year I'll be in somewhere there's warmth....

"Fuck the November rain, if the November Rain was half my worries I'd be fine!"

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