Friday, February 04, 2011

Marry Mary and Be Merry

Some marry people...
some marry professions..

most can't make that type of commitment...

It seems so odd to me, but I've been pegged as two completely different things - having a fear of commitment, yet wanting to commit with someone/something. Though it's not off for me to say I ride both ends of the spectrum at any given time, there is no grey area with the Jangus, it's all or nothing, black or white...but yes, yes it can be's just random to hear the differing opinions of my own self from others.

I remember back to CP in '07 when I was hanging out with this one co-worker of mine..we liked each other, and she talked to some of our other co-workers about me(because that's what girls do) and they all told her (all being like three lol) that don't get your hopes up, Jangus doesn't date...he has a fear of commitment...

Now, when I heard that I was shocked..not by the first part, it's true, I really do not "date date" girls, I will hang out and get to know them, anyone for that matter, dating, well, that's more intimate and I reserve that right for certain people. Granted, the term "date" is used very loosely and therefore I tend to say "I dated this girl" just because it is easier to say than "This one girl and I who really hit it off and started spending a lot of time together but never made anything official, sure there was some making out and heavy petting, it only lasted for a little bit and now we are acquaintances..", so yeah, dating works best.

But as for a fear of commitment, naaahhhh. I can commit, I can make promises..Heck, I just signed up for a FOUR YEAR ACTIVE (Four years reserves) CONTRACT with the Marines...the Marines have a billboard, "We don't take applications, we take commitments." Alright, yes there have been times I've not made commitments, but there are reasons, I do not need to make commitments to everything...

Like when I was in the middle of CP Season 1 and TJ was asking about me coming back to live in Btown with him...I said I could not make that commitment because I was uncertain where I was going to be in 4 months. I had plans of going to Orlando, Chicago, etc...I did not want to promise him something that I could not make a promise on.

----there's a tip for you, if I ever promise you something, that means I'll do promise, no commitment..pinkie promise, oh yeah, the extreme of promises------------

And sometimes, most of the time, my life and schedule is so chaotic and not in sync that plans made for next week are too far out to even think about. HOWEVER, I do love having plans, I do love knowing what is going to happen, having something regimented is good (especially in my life) - though it is few and far between it seems..

Yes I've learned to live by the seat of my pants, yes I am very impulsive and spontaneous..I do not consider it bad by any means, it just allows me to quickly adjust when those plans that were planned out do not happen or something occurs.

So in short, yes, I can make commitments. Yes I can make promises. If I tell you I will or will not do something, that means I am going to follow through. My words are only as good as my actions, and I make it so that my actions can back up all future words.

Do I just want to settle down with someone, I want to fall in love and be with that person, yes. Had I wanted to just "settle down and be committed" with someone, I would be in that place already....I've had the opportunity to be the stay at home dad, I've had this, I've had that...but it wasn't everything I truly wanted. In the past I have had a tendency to fall in love with the ladies rather quickly. To quote ESoftheSM, " Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?" I've vastly improved since those middle school days...

if there's one problem I'd say I have it's my non-conventional relationships that I get myself involved in..whether it be an age difference, physical distance, or she comes from the Capulet household, I always find myself in such awkward circumstances. And that problem really is that I'm a hopeless romantic who sees people for the people they are...age is just a number, I've never acted my age, I've never hung out with people my age, I've never liked/dated girls that were my age...It's been like this since the first grade! I've dated girls younger and I've dated girls older...I don't know/think they have anything in common that could tie this all together, but it would be nice if there was a magic connector.

I've done the Long Distance Relationships before, and I wanted to make this its own blog, so I'll do my best to keep it that way. Basically LDRs are essential if you are going to believe in the fairy tale aspect that is love. I can love from afar, I can commit.

As for coming from the "wrong family", well there's a variety of situations you can group in family is, how should I say this delicately...old school...racist? Wow, it sounds so harsh to type that out about one owns family...but skin is just a color, and as superficial as I am, it's about the person

The whole point is it is about the person, no matter what categorical statistic you can label them as, they are flesh and blood and they are who they are. You can put all those stats down on paper and it will look like it doesn't add up, but put into practice it does. Just the opposite goes for communisim, in theory it works, in reality, not so much. I'm sorry that my relationships with people are not the "standard" not what is considered "normal", but by gosh, they work..and I've had some of the best relationships out of those situations..

it's like a spin-off of "opposites attract" - again, but those two on paper, you would never think they would work out, but put into practice and they do...that's life, that's human existence..that's why psychology is a pseudo-science..because the human mind is not the same across the board for everyone...

So before I get all high and mighty I'll say one last thing...don't fucking judge what you obviously do not understand....ok, breath

I do not have a fear of commitment, I am not looking to just settle down..I know what I want, and I will hold my commitments, to you, to her, to me, to everything.

"Commitment is the spirit of determination and dedication found in Marines. It leads to the highest order of discipline for individuals and units. It is the ingredient that enables 24-hour a day dedication to Corps and country. It inspires the unrelenting determination to achieve a standard of excellence in every endeavor."

1 comment:

Amber said...

"I'm sorry that my relationships with people are not the "standard" not what is considered "normal", but by gosh, they work.."

Which ones work, exactly? You know I love you, darlin... but I can't think of a single one of your wacky, non-conventional relationships that has worked. In fact, they usually end in some kind of lawsuit or someone never speaking to the other again, no?