Thursday, June 23, 2011

Changing of the Guard

one less day..
one step closer..

the gradual unbecoming of a gentleman.

A good third of psychologists only become psychologists because they themselves are mentally unstable, and thereby getting a degree in said profession would detour the general mass from deeming them crazy..quite the table turners those people are..

I think there's a similar scenario for photographers - those who take the pics secretly have always desired to be on the other side of the lens, and since that dream isn't happening, the closest thing to being the beauty is creating the beauty.

Maybe that's just me, but I feel as if i should have been on the other side..even though i've never been a fan of the color green.

While on a random liberty we had a week back I was perusing my iphoto library in my dead time. Looking over the pictures caused a stir of emotions, however it was not over the events that were depicted in the digital rendering before my eyes, but rather the smile drawn on my face was from simply having photos i deemed worthy...

I'm a very critical person, and only harder on myself, so for me to state that I approved of something I had made takes a lot. There's been many a moment where I've wanted to take a picture while training, at boot, or whatever...I feel just like this writing, that one of my (few) talents is slipping away. They saw in order to stay in shape, whether it's a physical thing or whatever, you need to do practice it..I unfortunately haven't had the freedom to practice anything other than what I was told to do.

I don't know when I'll be able to get my hands wrapped back around my camera again..I don't know when I'll be able to produce quality pictures again..I don't know when the time will be there..

it's annoying, this living like this...I have a storage unit full of things, my past life..that just sits there...things i used to use every day, the accessibility to use them i live off the bare minimums..luckily i have my lappy and phone, i suppose that should be good enough, but it's not.

I'll wake up one morning..have liberty..want to put on a certain shirt, or shoes, or grab something random...but I's not here..i have the same three shirts to choose from, my civilian attire has almost became another uniform...
"what's it gonna be today....civie alphas....civie bravos..."

if there's one way the corps is gonna change me, it's gonna be like this...the breakdown of what i was, who i isn't accomplished at boot camp, or MCT, or MOS's a longer process....I'm still the same person I was before I left, but I'm slowly dying away...with more orders, more secured liberty, i lose a piece of myself every time. This is how they want it, by the numbers. Some people change overnight, some welcome this lifestyle and adapt quickly, openly embracing all the ideals and propaganda, I wasn't one of them. I stayed my individualistic self. But time will soon be all i have left...

ugh, five years...i've held out longer than that

"Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes
I've moved your mountains and marked your cards
But Eden is burning either brace yourself for elimination
Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards."

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