Thursday, November 17, 2011


don't make me..

but instead i'm more like, what the fuck.....

So let me tell you a story about this mother fucker..this mother fuck...this mother fucker.....yeah it gets said twice..but let me back this ass up first...

Alright, so I'm at this boutique store right across the street from my house, I frequent the store often, maybe twice to three times a week depending. Now, naturally after visiting said place multiple times and seeing the same faces over and over again you start to build a nice rapport with the staff. Being new to an area I can always ask advice on where to go, get food, do whatever.

And of course, you all know me, you know how I am when it comes to talking to people, it's just what i do, it's what i've shy as i've ever been all my life, being sociable is a skill i aquired at a young age...and then working in the industry is what really flared up this disease.

Anywhere i go i can start up a conversation with people..and this has always caused problems with former gfs because of the fact they think i'm "flirting" when in reality, it's just me being me; added in of course is "flirting" was my job for over 12 years and i recently broke from that...soooo get off your fucking self...

I digress. So naturally i go into the shop, make conversation, we don't detract too far off the topic of business..i do my thing, purchase whatever, and continue the conversation...then walks in this guy.

I think he's just another customer, but the exchange is different between the girl behind the desk and this new he takes a seat. Oh, i get it, they're together, ok whatever no big whoop, not a customer i'll continue talking. So then the lady asks me if I had anymore questions, which i don't, we bid our adieus and i go to my vehicle...however, on my way out the guy blurts out something that i know was said for me to hear.

"Fucking ridiculous" he says loudly, to which the lady says back, "what..what are you talking about?" - i know for a fact he's talking about me and not his day, but i want to give him the benefit of the doubt and i carry on.

I get to my car, hop inside, grab my phone from the center console and start playing catch up with texts. Now, my car is facing directly at the shop just a few rows away from it, and i notice the guy walk out..slowly go over to his truck, all the while looking over at my car..then he heads back's not but two seconds later he pops back out and starts walking again...howver this time he's not headed to his car...he's headed towards mine.

this should be good - is exactly what i say as i play with my phone not trying to pay attention to whatever the fuck is about to go down...i wait diligently then he's at my window waving, lord knows should he place a hand on my car shit would really go down. I pretend to be startled and give him a "you can't be fucking serious" look as i roll down the music with my left hand and turn down my music with my right...he begins to speak...

Guy - "Ca-can i help you?"
Me - "Ummm, no? You came to me?"
Guy - "Oh, uh, do you got something going on there.."
Me - "What?"
and before i could even finish that word he comes in with..
Guy - "That's my girlfriend in there"
Me - "Ok...???"
Guy - "We live together.....are you trying to steal my girlfriend?!"
Me - "Wait, what?! We we're just talking?"
Guy - "Oh, just talking, it looked like more than that"
Me - "??????" (yes, i said some noise that sounded like question marks) "You're joking right?"
Guy starts walking away, "That's my girlfriend....."
Me - "Sorry, I didn't know I couldn't have a conversation with someone....."
Guy - "It's ok"
Me - "Well obviously not"
guy continues walking away, doesn't respond...
mind you the guy was shaking as he spoke to me, and even backed up as i rolled down the window to greet him...

I continue texting and finalize plans before driving away...and it was about halfway to my destination that it finally hit me..and pissed me off...that fucking asshole...what the fuck was he thinking..what the fuck did he see that made him think there was more than just "talking" going on....the bitch was behind a desk..unless my penis somehow fucking grew to a length measured in yards and circled around, back behind, and all the way over to here, i'm pretty sure we were just talking..and he wasn't even there to hear what was said; tone, inflection, whatever.

Maybe that's why this insecure bastard was there to begin with...making sure his lady doesn't go home with any strangers that happen to pop into the shop. This of course is only going to make for an awkward situation the next time i make an appearance there and she's working. It will be awkward only because you know i'm going say some shitty comment like "due to your over-protective live-in boyfriend, i must cease and decist all future conversation with you. A polite "hello" will be allowed, however anything further will only give the insinuation to all those watching that my penis is, has been, or will be inside of you. you can thank you're awesome boyfriend. Sincerely, the jangus"

But honestly...i was more stunned by the situation that i couldn't really throw down at that moment...of course as the initial shock wore down, i was about to turn around and lay his stupid ass out. I can't wait to see him again.

people always seem to catch me when i'm in a good mood...consider yourself lucky.

"Don't worry 1117, i'm fucking your world up instead..i'm all smiles today"

No comments: