Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Hate This and I'll Love You


because that means you read it.

Why is it when a girl and I break up, amoung all the nasty things they say, they all will utter in some disdained fashion that they will stop reading my blog - better question, of all the things they say, why is it that that phrase is the one that hurts the most?

Maybe they say it because they know that will hurt the most, because of all the things in my life it's the one true indicator of what's going on, knowing me as best as possible from afar. And should they stop reading it, boycotting it, or whatever then it's a form of "out of sight out of mind." If a girl ends all communication with me, we stop talking, hanging out, whatever but she reads my blog then it's not a question of whether or not she cares, or misses, or thinks about me. In fact, should a girl actually read my blog, she automatically gets extra points.

Another common thing right around the time of the breakup is how said female will ask me to stop writing about her or her new man or whatever...if there's one thing that makes me say "fuck you" it's telling me what to do. Obviously I write about things going on in my life, obviously some girl deciding to be a bitch and breakup with me is going to get mentioned at some point...and obviously people hate getting called out on things, so when they see their stupidity posted for the public to see, they get embarrassed and, well, here we are. I'm sorry that I posted you're a slut and like to cheat on me, or how your new boyfriend beats you...I'm just stating facts, soooo sorry...but yeah, people hate having other people able to see how horrible they really are...and besides, after the breakup it's not like they are actually going to read the blog any more...

So those who read, care. Those who take the time to go to a random website where i spurt off crap from my fingertips to the empty hallows that is the internet, those are the ones who keep me going through this. I have several friends who solely read my blog to "keep in touch" - as random as that is.

And for those avid followers who stick by me through thick and thin, who put up with this bullshit..i applaud you. I know this is not award winning literature here. Again, thank you.

If there was a way I could accurately know who visit my website..well, i don't know if that would make me happy or sad...would i see that Sealy in CA was here reading..or TNA from LA...if so i'd be happy...but i probably wouldn't...I'd just see TTB from IN over and over again, or heck, my own ID for that matter.

I'd just like to know I mattered after the fact, after all was said and done, I still crossed the minds of those whose lives I was apart of...

I don't want to be erased or forgotten...i'd rather be remembered and hated...

"do i ever cross your i?"

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