Saturday, November 12, 2011

It's Not You, It's Me

When being great..
..isn't great enough

the woes of somebody just trying to get it right.

Whoa, did i just put a period at the end of that I normally do such a thing? Eh, I've been off the past....24 hours, wow, that's it? seems like eternity, though I can't imagine Hell being much worse..on the subject, i suppose i should get used to this feeling as i have been constantly reminded i will spending, well, forever there...awesome.

Besides having people's ideas beaten into me, i'm tired of a lot of different things right now. I'm tired of these relationships i get into where the other person uses the excuse of the "situation" to justify a means to an people can't handle the situation, or they aren't ready for such a thing..wait...

what...sad thing is, i've been doing this since...2005?! I should have learned with Mandolin that I wasn't good enough then, and that I'd somehow still carry on with the soul-searching all the while to continue not being good enough the rest of my life. That I would be told i was awesome, or great, or amazing, or whatever...but for whatever the reason..timing, bullshit, cantthinkofanymorelameexcusesthesebitcheshavegivenme, it wasn't going to work out. And that makes me think - because you know how strong of a believer i am in not only love but Machiavelli - that if i was truly this great guy that they alllllll say i am, why, rather, how could they not stick it out and be with me?

How is it that i come upon these women at just the right, or rather wrong times in their lives...where we make a connection, all is well, yet it's not right right now. Am I doomed to be Ed Bloom and visiting Spectre all too soon? and then too late?

After finally realizing i've been getting the same responses all too often, especially with this back to back recent fucking that I can only wonder if it isn't "not me"..such a weird wording...ok, instead it is me. People are supposed to learn more about themselves from breakups, right? well what's there to learn if people aren't honest with you.. *sidenote, my favorite is when they are purposefully lying to either upset you so you can hate them, and/or so they can believe their own lies as well*

Something seems to not fit into this puzzle, and the puzzle is making me lose my mind. I'm tired of people not being true..true to others, true to themselves, true to their own fucking feelings. Don't tell me you're getting attached to me and like me and how amazing i am..yet a day later you're up in arms and wanting to never speak to me again...oh wait, that post that mentioned all that was deleted...

You can't take back words or can do your best to pretend they were never there, that they never existed, and ultimately that i never can try and attempt this, but honestly, the only person you're really fooling is yourself.....and life is full of enough people who will try and do that to you already, so why do that..

What really pisses me off is how one can believe in fairy-tales and chasing after love, yet when confronted with a somewhat typical love-story (somewhat typical as defined as the tumultuous situation involving the lovers) that person runs and hides..and even after the failed attempts of chasing after my Cinderella with a shoe and one headlight, i just find myself running til i'm breathless and i drop; lying in the gutter is only lonely when you make a blog about it.

Your hands go to the strings, mine go to the keys..

"What are you scared of, baby, It's more than just a dream, We make a beautiful team"

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