Monday, November 14, 2011


All I ever wanted or needed was a little understanding from you. That I was going through tough times in my life and that I needed you now the most. I tried to explain the severity that November was to me. Apparently I didn't suggest strongly enough. You told me I was being stupid - that everything would be fine. You pushed me away as I tried to step into your life and explain myself. You told me on my drive out that you couldn't do it anymore.

I remember that drive home. I turned around. I tried to call you. God, why was I being so stupid? I knew you couldn't offer me any more. You were fed up. We were finished. As the line was repeatedly ringing, it was abruptly interrupted and went to your voicemail. "Leave a message," is what I heard. It had been a while since I had heard that. I knew you weren't picking up on purpose.

I wanted the words to spill. For you to be able to take me for who I was. To openly accept the feelings you had. Then it beeped, I knew I had to say the words now or I would never have another chance to do so again. But they were stuck in my throat. I couldn't say anything at all. Fuck. For a guy who always has something to say I was failing at this moment. The people passing me probably wanted to curse me out as they thought I was some kind of fool who had nothing better to do with my life.

I placed the phone back in the center console and I drove back home - contemplating if I should even try again...ever try again...I couldn't fathom the last time hearing your voice to just be a recording.

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