Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Year En Review - 2011

The Good..
The Bad..

Well, actually, mostly bad...

I've actually been looking forward to this post for what is probably a week now..anytime it came to mind I'd have to stop myself in those thoughts..I didn't want to review the year before the year was actually coming to a close..

Before we dissect 2011 we must first go back to where 2010 left off. Of course 2010 had it's up and it's downs, but, in all essence it left on such a positive note, things were looking up for me. I was in a relationship with a girl, with whom I loved. I knew my countdown for my last days at work by the second. I was looking ahead to doing something I actually wanted to do. On my last day of the year I finally cut those golden locks I'd been growing out for the better part of the year. And even though I turned around on my way to that Playboy party in Chicago, I think I spent it where I needed to - though, Playboy Parties have always done me right..something said don't go..maybe it was because I got off of my fill-in position too late, maybe because..I don't know, but I turned around...and even though I had no alternate plan, even though as I almost passed out at my place..I made something happen, and it was good.

2010 left on a good note, and I was really looking forward to 2011 and all that it could bring, boy was I in for a surprise. January I made a trip out to Cali, only my second ever, to see a girl. And as great of a trip it was, it was horrible as well. It made me question every little thing that led up to that moment in my life..what was I doing..why hadn't I moved out to Cali before this..whats the fucks...things really didn't explode until a week or so after that visit.

In February I blew the transmission on my beloved 3000GT, which, even though I had master planned out to work to the very minuet detail, I would soon find out in months to come that it was a bigger headache than it really was then. I also said my goodbyes at several parties, packed up my things one more time, got on that plane heading west, and on Valentine's Day stood on those yellow footprints.

The next three months were..for lack of a better term, ridiculous. I remember just trying to get by every day, thinking of my life I once had...those memories became more and more fuzzy as the days continued on. Apparently Charlie Sheen went crazy, there was an Earthquake in Japan, Osama was killed, Rebecca Black sang about Friday, and probably some other stuff, who really knows..

Graduation came on a Friday the friends showed up, I saw my girlfriend, and we all spent the weekend in San Diego..a place I had been for 13 weeks without ever seeing. I got 10 days off, saw my family..saw friends...but then it was back to MCT, or Boot Camp Part 2..and from only got worse...It was three more weeks of that crap before I entered, easily, hands down, no objection, the worst part of the year..Guard Duty. It may have only been 4 weeks but it seemed like an eternity (Four weeks?! That was it?! Even as I type that it doesn't seem right..If my life were to flash before my eyes, 80% of it would be Guard memories...)...if Boot Camp and everything else didn't make me lose myself, this did. I will probably bet that it is safe to say that Guard was the worst part of my Marine Career..already gonna say it...there it is.

From there it was August and to school in Virginia I went. One more month of just trying to get by, just trying to be done with all this crap and 'student status' and being treated like a petulant problematic stepchild.

I survived the Earthquake and the Hurricane that 'rocked' that area, and on September 1st, I was back in Cali..where I thought I wanted to be. I remember selecting the West coast, hoping to get stationed in Cali so that me and the now former girlfriend could be closer together. (And besides, my choices were Japan, West Coast, and East Coast..nothing appealed to me about Florida or DC at the time.)

Ever since I've been out here I've been struggling with a lot of things. For the longest time I didn't know what was going on, why I didn't feel right. I couldn't get a grip on things, I couldn't find my niche, I couldn't find people, I couldn't find where I belonged...what I really was missing was, myself.

I know that only on a couple of occasions did I actually freak out on my friends for not being out here, with the root of it being because I was out here, yet, I really wasn't. I was a mere shell of a person with no empty tabernacle. I had been living off of what was given to me from the Corps, with some minor additions I purchased along the way..two C-Bags worth of crap..I had nothing.

Over Thanksgiving I was able to make a trip back to Indy, my first time back since mid May. I filled my bags with as much stuff of mine as I could take with me - at the airport both bags were over 50 pounds...and my carry on was around 35.

Since that point I've started to ease myself back into myself (that sounded so sexual..), a rediscovery of who I was in a sense, trying to make me me again...the me everyone knew me as before I went away at the beginning of the year. And it would be during this reaffirmation when things would backfire for me, backfire in such a way that it seemed almost as if I was being punished for doing the right thing.

So I sit here, on this Eve of the New Year reflecting back on all those things that happened and seeing how the bad really outweighs any good this year..and any good that I tried to have, only ended up being bad somehow.

Other news in 2011 I took a virginity, my girlfriend broke up with me, I spent way too much on car issues, I met a girl who I thought could be the difference, I was given the worst slander ever, I rushed the field after UofM (finally) beat OSU, I started drinking heavily, had to stop working out because something popped in my head, and who really knows/cares what else..

If anything 2011 sucked, a lot, leaving me to hope for a better 2012...because it would take an awful lot to make 2012 suck any more than 2011..and besides, the world is supposed to end in 2012 so we got that to look forward to right?

Who are we kidding, we know the world doesn't end in 2012, Marty travels to 2015 and back..

"You know 2011 is just a two and a zero with two middle fingers right?"

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