Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
"My dad died today," she said via text, "please leave me alone." In an instant I felt horrible for bitching her out, "are you fucking kidding me?!" i say to myself, knowing better to not type that just in case it were true. I already diced this poor soul into pieces, I didn't know it'd be a blow while she was already done. Of course, the one day I decide to text her, blow her up, out of the several months I haven't, her dad dies; perfect timing.
How did it get to become like this; how did I get to become everyone's hated number one; how did I get to become so horrible?
I realize what an old friend of mine said to be true, a subscriber of this blog once said to me, "If I were to title your blog, I'd call it the 'troubles of being genuine' " truer words have never been spoken. People aren't used to this sort of brass tactics streaming from the orchestra...the aren't used to the abrasiveness of the chili in their mouth.. and yet, for some reason, at first, they are drawn to it like a moth to a flame.
I was on a roll this week, already losing 5 friends of FB in just two days, I figured why not take care of that kindling just laying around, the one I've been putting off for some time now, see what kind of sparks can fly if i were to kick it.
I was heartless, offering condolences for her loss, I still stuck to my grounds, telling her to leave me the fuck alone. I was pot committed by that point. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and no hearse was going to get in my way of finishing the mission. A lesser person would have broken down, but the person on the other end of the receiving texts was not a kind soul, no sympathy to be spared.
November is only half over, and I've caused enough destruction to last a year, if not longer. I'm not sure what other 'bang' I can go out in, but I guess I really wasn't prepared for this November when I encouraged it to "do its worst"
poor choice of words I had.
"it's not personal...don't take it personal"
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Sunday, September 09, 2012
Saturday, September 08, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Sigh, that comment is directed to a number of people, including myself, so don't take it the wrong way. Ehh, I don't feel like going down that path right now, I'm still trying to catch up from this past week, what with the holiday and visitors and all. I guess I just wanted to get that statement out there, get it said. Funny, because almost every night as I lay in bed, right before I pass out I think of a title for my next blog - and they've pretty much all been something along the lines of one word phrases calling someone out on something.
It's sumer, and I don't write much in summer..I guess my mind goes on its own little vacation without me knowing it…maybe its just habitual now after all those years of schooling…may ending the year and the end of august kicking it back off.
I remember hating trying to get back into the grove of things in august..back on a sleep schedule, back on any schedule, back to making your head retain pointless knowledge all the while trying to remember everything you forgot in those few months off.
Maybe summer school would be good for kids..maybe year round school would be good for kids. Of all the archaic institutions in America, it seems silly to still let children off from school during the summer months to tend to the crops. Of course this type of thinking would only anger everyone…wonder why we are listed so low on the most intelligent nations list.
Right now everything in my life and around me is a mess…but not such a chaotic mess..more like that uncomfortable numb acceptance mess…like you're that sock in the washing machine that's just kinda sitting in the middle of things as the center blades churn back and forth. You're getting tugged and pulled in all directions, but it's not violent. You're kinda floating, not really getting sucked down into the mix of things..but you realize, even that would be better than where you are right now…because at least then you'd be doing something. you're just a sock in a washing machine, and nothing is living up to its purpose.
let's hope it's not a pink sock in the whites...
"to today, middle finger response"