Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Leap Year Post

special post..
special day..

well, not really the first statement...

This post really has no sustenance to's just a post because it's a rare yeah, here you go…

Today would be a good day to pick up girls from the bar - explanation…bitches women love to celebrate their birthdays, it's science..and any bartender will tell you how they can't get away a single weekend out of the year without some gaggle fuck of women "woo-ing", ordering girly shots, throwing glitter, wearing tiaras, etc because it's someone's birthday celebration..even if it's thanksgiving or Christmas..these girls come out to party..

Anyway, people are born every day of the year, shocking, but who has the rarest birthday of them all…the Leap Year Day Babies…and this group will go to any lengths to make February 29th a wild one, no matter what day of the week it lands on..even a Wednesday…

Sure they could celebrate it on the closest weekend, like anyone else would do, or like they have done for those three other years…but when something as 'special' as the 29th of February rolls around, you better believe they'll be out in full force.

And they'll have to drag their friends out..and their friends will have to come..even if it is a Wednesday like it is today…

didn't they make some crappy movie about Leap Year Day..and didn't they play it on a non-leap marketing people...

other than that, I don't have much else to say at this point..trying to do something..anything…

is it weird that every leap year we vote for a president?

"Leap Year Day is just one more day of suffering.."

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Heart & Seoul

Doctor said I'll be alright,
but I'm feeling blue

This is about the time where I'd say something horribly mean (provoked of course...) that I really didn't mean, but said in an attempt of making me hate you..hate you like you apparently hate me…hurt you like you're hurting me…

For some reason, it's not happening…

As soon as I start to curse your name, get mad, want to break something or soon as the adrenaline starts to flow, it dissipates just as quickly…the moment is over, and I'm just left as an emotional mess. The words are never formed, the hate I try to create froths never to a boil…

i just can't do it.

I can curse other people, other people around you, but you..I'll get mad, irritated, but my lack of understanding hinders me from going any further with those emotions…even when you 'tactfully' use such demeaning phrases, all it does is break my heart more and that's it…

i'm left with nothing.

So instead of fighting it, fighting you, throwing a fit, a phone, or drinking myself into a coma..i'm just going to sit here..and probably write…(not going to lie, the drinking will come into effect sometime I can almost guarantee that)..but in the mean time, I'll just write about the wrongs and hurt I'm for my avid readers who hate when I get super emotional and rant on and on about sappy crap, this is your time to tune out…our regularly scheduled program will air again next season..which is, as always, TBD.

but i'll continue.

my posts will just be me pleading my case, as I'm programmed to do..fight and plead, it's all i've ever known how or what to do. I'll shoot holes through any of your 'logic' and arguments, i'll expose everything, the truth, the madness of the situation, everything.

loving, hating.

but it's alright..i mean you'll just end up trying to quickly replace me anyways..trying to fill the void that my forced absence leaves behind. you'll trade the fun and sporty, always sexy me in for a Honda..because it was right there..and anything is more reliable than me.


"Tiffany's is timeless, diamonds are forever…the Jangus is not"

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Hole in Your Seoul

The girls I've dated..
where are they now…

the stats don't lie

I had an interesting text conversation last night..and if I were to go off into one of my angry rants like I typically would, it would be obvious to the person whom I was talking about..among other things..that so much isn't the bother as the fact I had been holing off on a blog that..not necessarily foreshadowed things, but maybe it would have done just that.

Anyway, let's just go with it…

In the past I know I've pointed out how my exes have certain tendencies. Maybe I've mentioned little things in conversation..maybe I've hinted to things in blogs, but I don't think I've ever directly come out and made my allegations/theories/whatever out with a documented timestamp for all to see..let's begin.

The one that I'll reference the most is the "Next Guy Postulate" - which basically states the correlation of the breakup with me and the next guy said ex-girlfriend starts dating will be the one she gets engaged/married too (engage is stated because on several occasions the engagement did not make it to the married state so for statistical purposes it is listed as such) ((I think what's even worse is the amount of those guys with the name Jason..but because that's too much of a mind fuck I'd just like to overlook any of those findings..)). That's right, I am the Good Luck Chuck if you will..or as my friend Citron would say..the Ricker(?) (I don't know, she claims there's this movie that has a similar plot as Good Luck Chuck only starring the awesome Paul Rudd…I have to see this for myself…) ANYWAY - I have a pretty staggering percentage of girls that go from me to engaged/married..let's just say it's over the half mark..sadly close to the three quarter mark in fact…if you're not apart of that group, lord only knows what you are doing wrong…

What's even more awesome than that, somewhere in the midst of those statistics there's a name listed twice….twice you say, is this some sort of typo to inflate your stats..sadly, no. In fact she was my first "engaged" stat; after me, she met a guy, and got engaged not too long after that…for whatever reason that relationship ended and years down the road we met up again…only to have her leave me, again, for some other guy, with whom she is now married to..and has a child with. awesome.

The second fun fact I'll bring up almost as frequently as much as the first fact is "Exes Get Ugly Syndrome" or EGUS if you're tracking…This syndrome isn't limited to just getting ugly, but encompasses a much larger issue…fat. Yes Exes Get Fat and Ugly Syndrome…EGF(a)US..Ohhh, of course if you were to ask them what they felt about this, they will ALL admit that they are not the ones that comprise of this stupid accusation…little do they realize.

Come look like a chubby, scenester lesbian…or you could look down and ask where did those Kanckles come from..apparently it's hard maintaining your weight after me…

So if those aren't bad enough, the next one is a personally kicker..and maybe I don't talk about it all that much, maybe because it's insulting to me, but..the guys those ladies choose after me are..gah, what's the word I'm looking for…horrible..a insult to me! You know, if you're going to leave me, the least you could do is find someone better than me..shouldn't be too hard right?

But that's never the case..most are, wait no, ALL are not attractive by any means…not once have I saw one of my exes currents and was like, "well fuck, she did it right this time.." and I'm not the only one to see this. Others, females, have chimed in to say things like "really? Him?.." You ladies pick some of the ugliest and stupidest guys you can find after compromise yourself to be with this next guy..I mean what the fuck…

You have these ugly guys, who you claim are tall yet are shorter than me, who confuse your/you're (among others), who's texts are illegible, who's Asian without an Asian last name, who's IQ you question because they can't keep up in simple conversation, who cheats on you, who goes to jail for dealing illegal drugs, who himself is fat, who becomes forceful/beats with you, who does things-like drugs-that you have been opposed to all your life..these are the types of guys you pick to be with over me

what the fuck is wrong with you?!

it's ok though..I don't stress because I refer back to statistic number two: you're an ugly mess too (or about to be one)

This was not my intended angry rant I spoke of earlier, however, this has been an angry rant by your one and only..or should i say "you're one and only" maybe then you'll like me..

"You should make the update that you're in a relationship with my middle finger..because FUCK YOU!"

Friday, February 24, 2012

AB-solutley Right

I'm always right

so never question it

So yesterday I make my way over to one of the wee-fee hotspots in order to get online..As I'm doing the random things, checking email, forgetting what it is I'm supposed to be checking or googling, I read up on some news articles - ever since I got an office job, news websites have offered me entertaining ways to kill time…

Anyway, upon opening the first site right there on the front page, main article, "anorexia among young males?" The article went on to show pictures of these guys with frail bodies, skinny, except…they had a six pack or abs of some kind. Yup, the post I wrote not too long ago about how sickening this new fad was becoming turned out to actually be a legit any of those naysayers who thought I was just being a hater can now SMD.

They article elaborated on the new trend, of why it was happening, and so forth..what's sad is some of the quotes from these idiots "I think I look good" or "i love being able to show off my bod" …right, because skin and bones looks sooo good..but you got that six pack so kudos to you…

And to you girls who perpetuated this're all fat…there, that should settle the score…

"..but you'll question me anyways, because you're stupid"

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Guilty Filthy Seoul

if you're not first,
you're last

The trouble with Firsts.

Everybody wants to be first: First place, first commenter, first to fill in the blank. But what a lot of people forget is what actually goes into being a first, how it's equally as good as it is bad.

Everybody knows who the first man to walk on the moon was. Everybody also knows that the first words spoke from the first man on the moon were botched - NASA claims a transmission error, whatever. But who was the third..fourth, or seventh person?

Being a first is a big deal, and it seems like once that is accomplished, it opens the door for a flood of others to do that same without praise, recognition, or even regret.

Let's go in a different direction; sex. People will remember their first kiss, or their first sexual experiences, etc…it holds so much weight because that person was the first person to do something with you that you've never done before, maybe you've waited for, maybe something you thought you were waiting for.

Ugh, I'd hate to kiss and tell, but just follow me on this one for the sake of the plot here….My last girlfriend and I experienced a lot of "firsts" together, well, she was the one with the firsts really, but we shared them together..let's not get technical here. Anyway..I remember the first time we did things more than just kissing, it scared here a little, naturally. I remember she freaked out in a sense because she allowed herself to do certain things. I recall her saying things such as "this is so not me" - and yes, those statements were true, up to that point.

It's hard to accept the reality of when something like that happens - when you've told yourself you're going to be a "good little person and refrain from certain activities." And after many years of a brainwashed resistance, when those walls come down, well, your mind goes into panic mode.

Every word you ever cursed at others who engaged in what you just did you are now calling yourself. It's a mindfuck that makes you hate the situation and the person with you..and understandably so. When you go all your life saying "you'll wait till marriage for X" and then that suddenly isn't a reality anymore your world gets turned upside down.

Now don't misquote me here, I'm not saying by any means that it's wrong to have these strong morals and convictions in life, on the contrary. What I'm saying is, no matter what, there's always going to be that don't hate the person put in that situation..

Somebody would have eventually walked on the moon, somebody eventually would have sliced bread, and somebody eventually would have put their fingers or dick inside of you…it's just the shock that overwhelms you

Sometimes being a first in that respect is like the first person to wear their hat backwards, or color their hair, or wear parachute pants, or any other ridiculous fashion statement…people see that first person doing it and ridicule them…but then before you know, everyone is doing it. And that first person had to go through a lot of shit doing something that's now common place…

Now being myself in that situation is a little difficult. Here you are, respecting someone - their beliefs and their desires - you're trying to fulfill so much, make them happy, and then they direct you it's ok to do are hesitant, you question, you can only do so much..And so then the aftermath comes and you're being questioned for your actions like you never cared. That maybe you're compromising their beliefs because you can't say no…well when someone forces your hand down their pants it's kinda hard to say "nah, you really don't want this…"

Needless to say, that girlfriend of mine was mature enough to come to her senses and terms with reality. As the initial shock wore off, she realized everything was ok, she wasn't a horrible person (and neither was I), she was at peace with the situation, and we resumed being a happy couple being together.

I think more people need to watch the movie Kinsey - the only reason I say watch the movie vice go do your own research on the guy is because I know people have short attention spans and won't go and read…despite the inaccuracies of the movie - anyway, I can barely remember the movie in its entirety, I think the ending is where it got off track from the true story..but what stood out in my mind was the beginning…Kinsey's childhood..which is what drove him to his lifelong career of sexual studies. I won't ruin it for you but it really paints a picture of just what harm closed minded fanatics actually cause and to what lengths their ignorance can go.

Being a first can suck and that's the risk you take..but someone's gotta do it, eventually…people should be so lucky they had me.

"X-Static Process = Madonna"

Monday, February 20, 2012

Hey Seoul Sister

yeah, bad jokes..
get used to them

cuz just like me, they ain't gonna stop...

I've been here four days and I'm irritated…in a sense. Maybe it's just that I'm bored, or there's not much going on, or people are plain..yes, the latter, let's go with that one. I'm here in the ROK with one of my co-workers, and by the 48 hour mark I could already re-tell all the stories she was going to say when she was going to say them.

After meeting new person after new person, the stories got old fast, I can only play along like it's the first time for a couple times, if starts with some comment, she'd come back with a subtle "that's what she said" line to which it would provoke a facial response from someone around…she then would go into detail about how her shop took a vote and voted her, out of the other two females, having the dirtiest mouth/mind…something in those regards. I know the other two females, and I don't remember ever having this vote…regardless…

I guess it stems from my aptitude to being a random character, that, if I were to start telling the same stories or jokes over and over, I'd become a one dimensional character…and I'm not…I'm so much more than that. Whenever it comes for me to tell a joke/story again, with someone around that heard it the first time, I'm hesitant to even say it..yeah it was witty or funny the first time, now it looks like i'm running material on you.

and even in that case I always try to reword the joke/story so it's not completely the same..trying to change it up in any way possible..the only time I actually tell jokes/stories on multiple occasions with others who know around is when I'm asked the story with Build-a-Bear or Scarface…

It reminds me of Jude Law's character in I Heart Huckabees - how he constantly the same Shania Twain story over and over again…this reference is probably lost on you…go rent the movie

Ugh - what's even better is the fact that I just want to escape everything and…i think i'm doing that here. I keep trying to do my own thing, but "marines stick together" shit is making me go with the crowd…I try to go an eat alone, be alone, etc…but somehow they always find me or get me..i'm sure this group is a lovely bunch of people, that on any other time i'd love to hang out and party with like they do every night..however, that's not me, especially not right now.

I guess it's kinda convenient being half way across the world when i want to lose myself in a sense..the only troubling part is getting somewhere - wow. this weekend should prove to be something..i suppose. i know enough Korean (aka none) and where to go to just be brave and go out - nobody's gonna hold me back.

It's actually kinda nice in a way…nobody cares about me here, and I couldn't care less.

"How am I not myself?"

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Korea, Korea

I'm in Seoul,
but I'm not a soldier

you remind me of a west side story…

As you may have heard, or read, I'm in Korea - what? Yeah yeah, anyway I'm here for a duration of 30 days or so..the timeframe actually keeps changing since there's really nothing to do out here (???) So I will probably be home by March 11 - that's what they are telling me at least.

Anyway, just an update for you all…obviously I have the internet, and I also have my phone. Feel free to contact me at your leisure, do keep in mind I am traveler of both time and space..meaning, I'm pretty much a day ahead of y'all.

Other than that, I've only been here for a couple of days - though it didn't take long of an absence for some girl to move on, go figure. In lighter news I plan on hitting up the sights around here, already did the 6 mile run up to Seoul Tower…BAH

I'm sure I'll elaborate more on certain things in time to come..

Other than that, no news is good news right?

"I hate when you annihilate me out of your life..when my existence in your life is worse than my disappearance."

Saturday, February 11, 2012



The sensitivity to age

Now, as you all know, I'll be the first to chime in and laugh along with any sort of joke, whether it be sexist, racist, bigot, whatever stereotypical joke, the point is, it's just a joke and people need to learn to laugh at things...right? Anyway, the point is, it's not a joke or funny when people are discriminatory for real.

There are some who don't like black people, others are color blind; some don't like jews, others give out free hugs..I'm a pretty tolerant person, I'm understanding, I judge a person by what they make of themselves, not the characteristics that make them - i.e. they can't control what color they are, what height they are, etc.

I'd say one of the biggest factors I've turned a blind eye to is age. A person's age never mattered as to who they really were. I had to teach that lesson again today.

This afternoon I decided to make an early pass to the gym, I had a double workout schedule since I was absent most of the week, so I knew I needed more time. Bored with running on a treadmill - people hate when you try talking to them while you're running next to them - I decided to play a little basketball. I was the only one on the court for a little while until someone else walked in and went to the other hoop. After a few minutes of shooting around I yelled out to the other person if they wanted to play a little one-on-one. The other person was a little standoffish at first and hesitantly declined. I chuckled at the timid response and asked why not to which he replied that I looked a little older. Shocked at that answer I went into a rant, per usual, and it went something like this...

Older?! Well, sure..what are you in like highschool or something then? it doesn't matter..age doesn't define a person but on doesn't make me any better than you in basketball, it doesn't make you any less skilled than myself...i don't play on any college or pro level team, and i'm sure there's plenty of varsity highschoolers that could beat me..we are about the same size so there's no height advantage either way, so really, there's no immediate advantage either's skill versus skill, nothing more, nothing less...

After that he was convinced and we played. While we played I continued to tell him the story of how I grew up in the southside of Chicago, during the Jordan era..when basketball was the only sport that was played. I had a basketball hoop right in the cul-de-sac behind my house, my buddies had basketball hoops set up in their driveway, basketball was played.

My best friend growing up, Tad, and I were a dynamic duo...when we played we were Jordan and Pippen. We played two-on-two like it was our job..sadly enough though, if you were to add any more people to the team the magic would kinda lose itself - that's why we could never enter the Three-on-three Gus Macker tournaments..but when there's limited amount of people you make due with what you have.

We played and would challenge our friends to try and beat us..we would see people walking down the street and we would ask them to play. Now the thing about growing up where I did, let me explain...we played during the day on the driveways, but right before dusk, a little bit before the streetlights went on, we played on the see, the cul-de-sac was where everyone met up and played..and when I mean everyone, i mean, was like moving up to the big leagues because that's where the older kids met up and played.

This is where I learned two lessons...One, this is where I learned it didn't matter the age of someone, it was whatever - even though some of those kids smoked, I wasn't influenced by them..even though they swore, that's not where I picked it up from..the fact that they were older had no bearing onto me..they were just people, we came together and we did our own things, together...the neighborhood was diverse, people were scarce, so any age was an appropriate age to hang out with..if someone wanted to ball, then so be it...

Sometimes we could get a 5-on-5 game going (which was awkward because this location only had one hoop) and sometimes the games consisted of less people. When the numbers were low, Tad and I stepped in to play 2-on-2 games with the older kids. This was the second lesson I learned, though it sounds like the first - and it kinda is- age didn't matter...Tad and I both liked to win, me being and only child, and Tad being a sore loser we were a perfect pair. We played our little hearts out, we wanted to win. It didn't matter if they were older, taller, whatever the case..we played, because that's what we were there to do.

Sometimes we won, sometimes we lost..when we lost we didn't use an excuse that it was because they were older or whatever, as pissed as we were, we knew were just weren't good enough, and had to play again...when we did win it was an accomplishment because everyone made it out to be a David versus Goliath situation..and we were excited because our skill showed through.

It's because I grew up in that neighborhood where at the age of 13 I was playing with twenty year olds down to five year olds made me who I am today. Where age was just a number that nobody cared about. Maybe our parents didn't want us hanging out with the older kids or whatever, but it happened, and I held onto the same morals and values I was raised didn't make me a bad person to be around them, they were people too.

This trait has carried with me to today. At work I have a varying age of those around me...and I will hang out with them after work..some are 18, some are in their thirties, and I'm still me. I've dated girls both younger and older, however, the only relationships that ever get mentioned or noted are the ones with a girl that is 'drastically' younger..i emphasize the drastic because in all reality, it's not and people like to make mountains out of molehills...people tend to forget the girls that were a couple years younger than me or years older...people also tend to forget the statistic that shows men date, marry, whatever younger women...and how am I to blame in all this?

Whatever. Age is a number that gives us the permission to vote, drink, become president...age doesn't define the person you are, tell anything about your personality, or say when you are going to's just a number...

and you're more than that.

"..and if i said i only dated girls born on Fridays, I'D be the a-hole..."

Thursday, February 09, 2012

Every Now and Then

don't start singing..

just, stay with me here

So every now and then, it's something that only comes around once in..a total lunar eclipse, but it happens. So every now and then I will write a post, in full, yet not publish it. It will be ready to go and I all I have to do is hit that stupid little publish button, but I don't, at least not then.

You see, nothing upsets me more than seeing drafts on my dashboard. Even so to the extent that I have published half blogs, posts that were for whatever reason never completed, even if it makes no sense...just because, it was something I was going through at that time. Of course I would have loved to finished those thoughts, and as angry as I am for leaving those ideas in limbo, I published them regardless.

But certain posts, like maybe one I just wrote, maybe, are full of too much emotion at a certain time, or full of too much information, that for whatever reason I cannot publish it then. It's good just to get things off my chest, type it out if you will. And although I will talk to anyone about anything at anytime, for some reason posts like those are considered in a way to be classified material - with an unclass date sometime in the future.

And so there will come a time when the post gets published, and only I know when it happens because by then there's been so many other posts it gets lost or hidden along the way...and so my avid readers will never really see it, and only those that just join in at that later time who read back may be the only ones who actually come across it..and then, by then, that situation has blown over and we're sailing smoothly into another.

So if you think I'm not writing, you may be wrong, I may just not be publishing, sorry if hat throws you off.

"Click, aaaaaaand..I can't post now.."

Not Sure...

if you really hate me
or you fakely hate me

Not sure where I'm going with this...

I sat down in front of my computer a moment ago in hopes of writing something, I actually had something on my mind too...but all that vanished in an instance once I picked up my phone and made a call. I was surprised to get an answer, as I was typing out a text response as opposed to a voicemail for when the call would be ignored - I was caught off guard when my call was answered.

And as I sit here, but what, five minutes after initially dialing the number, I kinda wished it would have gone to voicemail, the ignore would have been less painful than the indifference I received.

I thought I was doing my part well. I had figured on my own accord to ease up, pull back on the heaviness of the relationship, essentially doing a 180 while still maintaining the bare necessities of a friendship - going from constant texting and calls from the moment either of us woke up, to a text midday (that went ignored, "busy") to a call later in the evening, the one that was answered.

I remember actually telling her I was giving her space while retaining a piece of the friendship, something that I acted like I deserved commendation for or something...but instead of being praised I was kicked down as she said "well obviously not" - I guess she didn't see the merit of my efforts.

And as I was on the ground starting to pick myself back up, more kicks came in...whether it was factual or meant to be a slap in my face she continued to be standoffish, only telling me how wonderful her life was, now, as if the absence of me was like the removal of some dark cloud over her.

she finished by saying she didn't feel like talking to me and ended the call in an abrupt fashion she knows all too well that drives me crazy. Maybe she's trying to get me to hate her, maybe she's trying to...I don't know..I tried calling a friend, I tried to do the right thing, I just don't know where I went wrong.

Should have never called, I would have preferred my last words to be the ones said to her last night.

"alright...i'll just g-"

Sunday, February 05, 2012


A smile..
A feeling...

What is happiness to you?

This has to be a rarity - It's the morning, I've just woken up, I'm drinking water, and I'm about to blog, none of those fit the normal equation. (Mind you it's Superbowl Sunday and I should be out and about..) I've been meaning to write out some random stuff, but as I've always said, when things are good, what's there to write about? And then of course Thursday happened and by the time I got to the keyboard I was far too deep into my bottle to try and sort any buttons other than numbers on a telephone. But I will do my best to try and recap for you some of the events that bring us to now.

I suppose for the better part of two weeks now I've been in a pretty good state of's funny how everything can be turned around with just a phone call. During these past two weeks, any woe that I was dealing with seemed to shrink in size; the stress levels were reduced, and work, well, that was bearable..

She was right, I am at my best when I am with someone else. For years I've always proclaimed that every man is and can be their very own island..that you should never build your world up around someone else's.. that you don't need self validation though some other's life. And while all this may very well be true, it doesn't necessarily work the best for some people, i.e. me?

What's even more striking is that a friend? ex-girlfriend once told me I cannot allow happiness to come from someone else..that I cannot rely on someone else to make me happy, that I should be able to make my own happiness...yet, here comes a different person in my life and says just the opposite - and this person is right.

My happiness is derived from being loved, wanted, needed, which is usually ascertained through someone else. Now granted I'm not saying any other person makes me happy, there were periods in my life, with girls whom I allegedly dated that I was not happy during so it is a case by case basis. In fact, I can only truly say that two, maybe three girls I've...can't say dated because one I never dated, so..known, that actually made me happy...all the other girls I had moments of happiness with sure, but nothing outstanding or prolonged other than that moment I created it.

Someone significant, someone else, someone important...It's my Bluebird of Happiness. Doing for others makes me happy, making others smile makes me happy, being there for someone makes me happy, having others rely on me makes me happy, making others feel a certain way (comfortable, whatever) makes me happy, hosting, being hospitable, lending a hand, the shirt off my back, trusting people, being trusted, making someone laugh, having a shoulder for someone to cry on, being that go to person..those are a few of my happiest things.

And like I said, it varies from person to person..I could list more things but then they'd be getting too personal and specific, so i'll just leave it at that. I was happy two weeks ago.

I miss that.

"happy happy joy joy"