Sunday, February 05, 2012


A smile..
A feeling...

What is happiness to you?

This has to be a rarity - It's the morning, I've just woken up, I'm drinking water, and I'm about to blog, none of those fit the normal equation. (Mind you it's Superbowl Sunday and I should be out and about..) I've been meaning to write out some random stuff, but as I've always said, when things are good, what's there to write about? And then of course Thursday happened and by the time I got to the keyboard I was far too deep into my bottle to try and sort any buttons other than numbers on a telephone. But I will do my best to try and recap for you some of the events that bring us to now.

I suppose for the better part of two weeks now I've been in a pretty good state of's funny how everything can be turned around with just a phone call. During these past two weeks, any woe that I was dealing with seemed to shrink in size; the stress levels were reduced, and work, well, that was bearable..

She was right, I am at my best when I am with someone else. For years I've always proclaimed that every man is and can be their very own island..that you should never build your world up around someone else's.. that you don't need self validation though some other's life. And while all this may very well be true, it doesn't necessarily work the best for some people, i.e. me?

What's even more striking is that a friend? ex-girlfriend once told me I cannot allow happiness to come from someone else..that I cannot rely on someone else to make me happy, that I should be able to make my own happiness...yet, here comes a different person in my life and says just the opposite - and this person is right.

My happiness is derived from being loved, wanted, needed, which is usually ascertained through someone else. Now granted I'm not saying any other person makes me happy, there were periods in my life, with girls whom I allegedly dated that I was not happy during so it is a case by case basis. In fact, I can only truly say that two, maybe three girls I've...can't say dated because one I never dated, so..known, that actually made me happy...all the other girls I had moments of happiness with sure, but nothing outstanding or prolonged other than that moment I created it.

Someone significant, someone else, someone important...It's my Bluebird of Happiness. Doing for others makes me happy, making others smile makes me happy, being there for someone makes me happy, having others rely on me makes me happy, making others feel a certain way (comfortable, whatever) makes me happy, hosting, being hospitable, lending a hand, the shirt off my back, trusting people, being trusted, making someone laugh, having a shoulder for someone to cry on, being that go to person..those are a few of my happiest things.

And like I said, it varies from person to person..I could list more things but then they'd be getting too personal and specific, so i'll just leave it at that. I was happy two weeks ago.

I miss that.

"happy happy joy joy"

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