Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
let all the hostility out…
i don't care if what i'm about to say, have said, or will say offends you..it probably won't because you don't' read this anymore so it's whatever…it can't give you any more reason to hate me, because you already did that just fine without me ever doing anything wrong in the first place..
I never hated this person, I only disliked how she hated me without ever knowing me..how someone could be so judgmental yet supposedly adhering to the good word..
but now, as the tension flares, and the propaganda fills your ears, i've had it.
This person can sit there, claim to be a good friend of yours - yet talk shit on someone you care about..she sits there and claims to love god and his teachings, yet will smite me superficially...
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
the more you know….
Ok, so while out here in Korea I'm trying to dive into the culture as most as possible…learning a few words, socialisms, things like that…just trying to fit in i guess..but one thing I came across while reading some Korean hand-guide was an interesting fact about the flag..
insert picture here
Now it gets even cooler than that! The word for Heaven is Geon…and the word for Earth is Gon….ONE LETTER OFF! How Awesome?!
It also stands for Father/Mother..East/West..Spring/Summer....just some random cool things...
Ok, am I the only one who gets excited over things like this?! I think it's really freaking cool and I love little things like this..
ok, cultural hour is over, I now return you back to bla.
"Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? Ooh, heaven is a place on earth. They say in heaven love comes first. We'll make heaven a place on earth."
Friday, March 09, 2012
and a hard place…
what to do what to do oh what to do…
The other day I sat down in front of my computer and typed away…nothing special, and sadly nothing nobody will ever see..it's actually something I've been doing every day regardless. But it was the content of meaning in which I wrote that would only be the surreal foreshadowing that only my writing could do.
You see, I asked a question to..myself…*looksaround*..but it was more I asked it outward wanting an answer to, and for, myself. I would receive that answer just a day later. But, what's even stranger is, it was in those moments that I was asking the question that somebody was already typing the answer…the very answer I would receive the next day in a text.
How is this even possible - how is it that someone that is yearning for some sort of answer, whether good or bad, just something..how is it that while this person is taking the time to physically ask the question, the question that is burning in his mind, to bring it forth, making it something substantial…that very answer he longs for is being materialized at that very same instant half way across the world..
but that's right, in this situation, we only believe coincidence, right right…moving on
well not really.
Anyway..So now I am left with what to do..I got the answer I wanted, not just an answer, but the answer that's most favorable to my emotions, to me. Naturally I chased after it, but seeing how it was sent days earlier that person has had time to build walls back up, to fool herself into thinking it was all a mistake, and is beating herself up for letting her guard down, for giving in..and now, now she won't reply..
So what's next? My friend asked me what I would typically do in this situation..I said it varies..varies on the situation and the girl..maybe i'd chase, maybe i'd be annoyed, maybe i'd ignore, maybe i'd tell 'em to fuck off and die…it all depends…but one thing is for certain, I always go with the gut feeling..I go with how I am feeling to that situation…
And in this particular situation..I want to chase it..but then again, I want to respect the other person and give them the space they so said they desire..but the feelings are obviously there, it's there whether you try to bury deep down in places you don't talk about to friends..it's there and it's not going away…so do i wait for them to spike again, hoping to have better timing and catch it as it comes my way…or do I pursue, attack, go after with some sort of Hail Mary last ditch effort…
Right now I have nothing…so the ball is in your court…..
"People say that the bad memories cause the most pain, but it's actually the good ones that drive you insane"
Thursday, March 08, 2012
what could have been
what is and what never shall be
I just posted some unfinished/unpublished posts..that are NEW..never before seen...just a matter of, where..or, when rather...
well, here's one..funny it's about the truth..not so funny it's from November..
Alright, that is all...
"So I says to Mabel I says..."
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
funny how this carries over into all aspects of life.
As a member of the services, especially the Marines, there are a lot of guidelines, policies, procedures, rules, etc that we are to adhere to. Did you know there are actually policies put in place for should you get captured? But of course that is something we strive not let happen, as my subtle title thing indicates.
I guess I was born a fighter, I don't know how else to explain how I am what I am today..it's not like I had brothers or sisters I had to constantly do battle with. It's not like I had a male figure head to battle with (clarification, I love my grandfather more than anything, he just was working two jobs and wasn't around as much..but he did everything he could, and more). I don't recall getting into many fights as a child; I remember being competitive, I remember having a temper..but fighting, hmmm. So that leads me to where we are now, I was born this way.
What I hate the most is the phrase "I'm a lover, not a fighter" - as if those who fight are incapable of loving. On the contrary, I fight for what I love. To me, that statement, I'm a lover not a fighter, just means you'll go about peacefully when something you love is taken, damaged, hurt, destroyed..you'll just lay down, putting up no resistance. So to me, being a fighter could be the best of both worlds - I'm definitely a lover, but I'll definitely put up a fight as well.
Call me stubborn, relentless, ridiculous, whatever…I just don't stop, in fact you could say I never stop. But wouldn't you rather have someone that will fight for you, than to have someone just sit there and watch you try to walk out of their life.
There's a saying, "All's fair in Love and War", so wouldn't the policies I live by for War, aka work, apply to when I'm in Love..especially when Love becomes War?
I don't know..maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm what's wrong, or who's wrong..maybe..but regardless I'll keeping doing what I do, what I know to do, what I've always done...Stand up for what you believe in, even if you are standing alone.
I'll be here, solitary stagnant.
"I'd rather be with the wrong person for the right reasons, Then the right person for the wrong reasons."
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
but posting presently..
not understanding the logic behind it all
So apparently Blogger still has me locked onto CONUS time..whether it's east or west coast time I'm not certain, I think I may have updated it to West, but who knows...so my posts are like a day late pretty much..
"The heart wants what it wants... There's no logic to those things."
Saturday, March 03, 2012
yet, sometimes that's the best time..
In the process of you trying to make me hate you, you just end up looking like a whore
I recently made a blog about the strange occurrences that happen to women after I date them..I guess I may have accidentally left a few out. So, in continuation fashion as best as I can do, let's move right into some other the other, lesser qualities you'll embrace.
This unbecoming unbridled sense of entitlement. It's been said before by several pasts that I have this obscure ability to get close to people. As one friend stated "I've never seen anyone connect with complete stranger like you do." I make people feel comfortable. I the process I attack their weak spots and make them stronger. Most of my pasts I've been able to make overcome certain fears, or do certain things they were too scared to do..basically, I come in and help make people better in a way. As someone once told me, "You turn shit into gold."
But it seems that as soon as I am no longer in the picture, those pasts try to continue on with the abilities I've given them. Now they are no longer self conscience about their bodies, or looks, or this, or that…they feel like their are top shit, when in reality, they are just amounting themselves back down to shit. Yes I was there to help, and yes that's ultimately what I want - but of course there are real world applications to make you look like a whore.
Sure while we are dating you'll send me a pic of yourself that's slightly risque, but after we are through, to see a much more racy picture you gladly boast on the internet is a little off-putting. It's one thing to be proud, but it's another to be smutty just for the attention you are now lacking…but of course you need anything you can to fill the void..
Speaking of filling the void…with all these walls I've broken down, me doing all the work, now you can just go out an be a whore for any Joe off the street..why not, you had your love you always wanted, now it's time to spread those..wings *cough* and fly away..
Funny how you will end the relationship saying, "it's not what you want" or "you don't have time for a relationship" or what ever other lame ass excuse you can really come up with, when, but a week later you're riding some other guy's dick, who, just so happens to be your new boyfriend.
funny timing wouldn't you say..convenient..or you're just chockablock full of lies…either way, you're still a bad person. Way to blow.
And along with this "empowerment" is this other facade women put up about being "happy". It usually goes something along the lines of "I haven't been this happy in a loooong time" or some crap. As if they are implying the removal of me from their life has been like a dark cloud pushed away by the shining sun…as if I am somehow this abomination of happiness.
Really?…because when we were together you claimed to be happy, probably the happiest or most loved you've ever been..and when times got rough for you, who did you turn to, to make you happy, to make you smile, who was constantly there for you. Who could, just by speaking, make your day brighter.
oh yeah, that's right..me.
This blasphemous rhetoric is pure diatribe against me in hopes of them shutting out something as wonderful as they had with me…because deep down they know the truth, they know they've made a mistake, because by propagating this propaganda to everyone around them, they too will believe this force-fed tripe of a lie, and continue marching blindly forward.
It's all cool though..I've seen it a million times before…it's just a horrible way to go out..especially when you end up proving that you're just as good as everyone else that came before you. I'm not angry, no, it happens.
Let's just hope it doesn't befall again.
"I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine."
Friday, March 02, 2012
to these posts..
if I'm posting from the future?
So ever since I got to Korea I've been saying that I'm from the future..it happens in like every single text message. I'd currently Saturday afternoon here..which means it's like Friday night back home..
so my question is….If I were to make this post right now, and somebody from back home were to view it a few minutes after I posted it..it would show up right, and it would show from the future time to them…
I question this only because in the past I've woe posts, but changed the time to post for a future time/date…and it would sit there, pending, until that time came…
but in this instance, i'm posting in my current time, just future time for anyone else…so the dates they read with what I wrote wouldn't correspond necessarily…
ok, this has been a brain melt that has last long enough, good day.
"sometimes you have to travel a million miles, see a million faces to realize the answer to all your questions was right there the whole time"
Thursday, March 01, 2012
may not define me.
the blog about spirituality..
Apparently I don't show my emotions very well…and yet at the same time they are over the top as well - story of my life, being on both sides of the spectrum at once.
When I do have outbursts of emotions, those around tend to find them too intense, dramatic, over the top, etc…maybe they are just used to me not being..responsive. I tend to get excited at random things, quickly change emotions, whatever..it's just me and that's all I can really say. I don't think I'm being dramatic when I say what I say, it's just the emotions speaking through me..
In other cases, people think i'm not sensitive enough..not showing the "proper" emotion or response for whatever said situation. I don't even know how these two are pulled off in conjunction with one another, but I do what I do.
I'm reminded of any concert I've ever gone to; specifically for this scenario let's use Muse. Muse is easily in my top five bands current, and in my top for bands of all time ("all time!" ~ Kanye). Now, I have seen Muse in concert on five different occasions, ranging from 2005 to 2011; and I always go on about what an amazing show they put on, the Pink Floyd of their time, etc. I've taken different people to go every time, and like a drug, they get hooked too.
However, each time I go, people question my love for Muse. They hear me days before the show, leading up to it how awesome it's going to be..they hear me talking after the show of how great it was, these aren't of concerns…but rather, what happens during the show is why they question it.
I guess you could say I play the part of the guy who was drug there and doesn't know who's playing. I stand there..i may slightly bob my head, i may smile, i'll definitely tap my foot, and i'll take pics/videos…i don't get all hyped up, I don't dance, scream, or go crazy like some people..i just register it all internally and live in that awesome moment..soaking it all up..taking it in..enjoying the bliss of it all. (Di-id you catch that…)
Now, if you don't recall or don't know me that well, I LOVE music…to me, music does for the soul what morphine does to the brain. When asked what I would miss during my three months at boot camp; iphone, internet, gf, whatever..my answer, without hesitation was, music.
Hands down music is a vital necessity to my life. I may not be able to actually play or make music like i would love, but despite those disparities, I still love music. It is able to cope with all emotions; happy, sad, in love, out of love, etc..music..music does wonders for me. And although I may not express it like someone else, music is a HUGE part of my life.
The same is true for God.
I may not go knocking door to door, stand on the corner preaching, or even go to church every sunday. I may not make every Twitter status update praising the Lord, or push my beliefs onto other people, or do any of that over the top stuff (and to be completely honest with you, I find all that stuff to be annoyingly fake).
My interpretations and teachings I've had all tell me the same thing; you don't have to let everyone know you're a Christian to be a good Christian. You don't have to be seen in church, you don't have to boast about to everyone about the Lord, you don't have to tell everyone the good deeds you're doing for Him..that's not what it's all about. Essentially, you're not supposed to be asking for praise while here on Earth..meaning, I don't need to tell you what I gave up for Lent every five minutes in hopes that you feel guilty you're not doing something, or to have you think I'm a better Christian, or whatever
I don't always go to church, but when I do, I don't throw my hands up in the air and scream out Hallelujah! I don't push my beliefs or insult other's views with my own, but I will speak of the Lord and reference the Bible to those who do believe. I may not do the things in that respect, I may not let it be known externally, rather it's all internal - like at a concert. Just as I am in the concert, in that spiritual nirvana that nobody else in the world knows about but me; I am the same with God..the only difference is, He also knows.
So just because it may not appear to be whatever you want it to be on paper, whatever you think the SOP is for loving God, obviously you're doing it wrong and better go back to check it out.
As T. Waits would say, I got my own special way..
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30"