Thursday, March 01, 2012


what defines you,
may not define me.

the blog about spirituality..

Apparently I don't show my emotions very well…and yet at the same time they are over the top as well - story of my life, being on both sides of the spectrum at once.

When I do have outbursts of emotions, those around tend to find them too intense, dramatic, over the top, etc…maybe they are just used to me not being..responsive. I tend to get excited at random things, quickly change emotions,'s just me and that's all I can really say. I don't think I'm being dramatic when I say what I say, it's just the emotions speaking through me..

In other cases, people think i'm not sensitive enough..not showing the "proper" emotion or response for whatever said situation. I don't even know how these two are pulled off in conjunction with one another, but I do what I do.

I'm reminded of any concert I've ever gone to; specifically for this scenario let's use Muse. Muse is easily in my top five bands current, and in my top for bands of all time ("all time!" ~ Kanye). Now, I have seen Muse in concert on five different occasions, ranging from 2005 to 2011; and I always go on about what an amazing show they put on, the Pink Floyd of their time, etc. I've taken different people to go every time, and like a drug, they get hooked too.

However, each time I go, people question my love for Muse. They hear me days before the show, leading up to it how awesome it's going to be..they hear me talking after the show of how great it was, these aren't of concerns…but rather, what happens during the show is why they question it.

I guess you could say I play the part of the guy who was drug there and doesn't know who's playing. I stand there..i may slightly bob my head, i may smile, i'll definitely tap my foot, and i'll take pics/videos…i don't get all hyped up, I don't dance, scream, or go crazy like some people..i just register it all internally and live in that awesome moment..soaking it all up..taking it in..enjoying the bliss of it all. (Di-id you catch that…)

Now, if you don't recall or don't know me that well, I LOVE music…to me, music does for the soul what morphine does to the brain. When asked what I would miss during my three months at boot camp; iphone, internet, gf, answer, without hesitation was, music.

Hands down music is a vital necessity to my life. I may not be able to actually play or make music like i would love, but despite those disparities, I still love music. It is able to cope with all emotions; happy, sad, in love, out of love, does wonders for me. And although I may not express it like someone else, music is a HUGE part of my life.

The same is true for God.

I may not go knocking door to door, stand on the corner preaching, or even go to church every sunday. I may not make every Twitter status update praising the Lord, or push my beliefs onto other people, or do any of that over the top stuff (and to be completely honest with you, I find all that stuff to be annoyingly fake).

My interpretations and teachings I've had all tell me the same thing; you don't have to let everyone know you're a Christian to be a good Christian. You don't have to be seen in church, you don't have to boast about to everyone about the Lord, you don't have to tell everyone the good deeds you're doing for Him..that's not what it's all about. Essentially, you're not supposed to be asking for praise while here on Earth..meaning, I don't need to tell you what I gave up for Lent every five minutes in hopes that you feel guilty you're not doing something, or to have you think I'm a better Christian, or whatever

I don't always go to church, but when I do, I don't throw my hands up in the air and scream out Hallelujah! I don't push my beliefs or insult other's views with my own, but I will speak of the Lord and reference the Bible to those who do believe. I may not do the things in that respect, I may not let it be known externally, rather it's all internal - like at a concert. Just as I am in the concert, in that spiritual nirvana that nobody else in the world knows about but me; I am the same with God..the only difference is, He also knows.

So just because it may not appear to be whatever you want it to be on paper, whatever you think the SOP is for loving God, obviously you're doing it wrong and better go back to check it out.

As T. Waits would say, I got my own special way..

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30"

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