Sunday, May 13, 2012

Things Aren't Yesterday


Really bad times...

It's late, but of course I'm awake - spent the better part of the day sleeping, yesterday as well. However, yesterday did comprise of the restaurant debacle, with ourselves being asked to leave...and that was the first time we got kicked out of a Hooters...

Since I slept the day away yet again, I'll be up for all hours tonight..and I don't fancy that idea whatsoever...especially not after what happened an hour ago.

Let me take you back to late last night: in an attempt to throw off any desire of calling or texting certain individuals that shall remain shoeless, I did what any person in a similar position would do, text other people. Well, the list of those who received a text wasn't long, in fact it comprised of just one individual - someone that I've been longing to talk to just as much as the other, last hearing from them at about the same time in fact.

I had put off contacting said individual for the past two weeks only due to the fact I hadn't heard back in over a month, despite my random trials of communication with her. And last night must have been that breaking point, consisting of an appropriate of length of time since my last feeble attempt and correct level of consumption.

Fast forward to this afternoon where, after scanning over my phone to see the damage I may have caused, found only one number texted, and still nothing in return. It was about the time I started cursing the situation when that little Lo replied back, "Well hello." "Well hello indeed" I replied with text characters that hid both my excitement and directness. Unfortunately those tones must have been sent as well as I got back "mhm" as a form of a response. I followed up with more than three letters of my own, asking if, should the time arise, we could have one of our infamous catch-up calls.

No response. I sit there and contemplate if the lack of response was meant to denote a "No" or an implied "Yes", either way I'm left at the same place to not comeback.

Later, much later in the day, after one of the many naps I was enchanted with, I began my nightly know, to get ready for bed. Lo and behold would you believe that while I was finishing up my shower I heard the sweet melody of my phone ringing, ringing that god awful 'hate ringtone' especially reserved for ex-girlfriends. It was her, naturally.

I called back moments later, and just like that we were talking, picking up the pieces like time never broke feels good to talk to her, it feels good to talk to someone who (I think) actually cares, it feels good to hear her voice. I don't know if it's the actual sound of her voice, or whether the tone and pitch throws me back to a comfortable place found a year ago; but whatever the affairs, hearing just the initial greeting brings a smile to my face. And as she tells me all about what's going on in her life, though I'm fully listening and following her stories, there's another sense that's taking over.

We go back and forth, everything is good, until...She asks me what makes me happy - "What is happiness to you David?" - of course I stay silent long enough for her to fill in with various things she still remembers that made me happy back then. After she feels fulfilled filling her list, she asks me again. I say, to be quite honest, and not in some lame fashion, you make me happy. She lets out the subtle aww which she quickly replaces with an apology...I am suddenly confused and ask her for just what reason is she saying sorry for - it doesn't make sense to me how a true statement, one that could even be taken as a compliment, could be misconstrued at that moment.

She reveals to me she is sheepish because she's no longer my girlfriend...she mistook my statement to mean something more than I had intended. I counter with obviously noting she's not my girlfriend, but I meant it in a sense that her being made me happy..having someone in my life like her made me happy..that she brings a smile to my heart. I didn't mean it in a wooful manner. I wasn't re-confessing my love for her. I was simply stating I enjoy her in my life, maybe wishing it was more frequent than the once a month hour phone call I get.

But maybe she was right all along, maybe she knew my intent without my ever being aware...because from that moment on, my heart was marching in a different step, with my head trying to join in.

The phone call ended shortly after that, but my thoughts waged on. The thought of sleep slipping quickly away as my head finishes second place in the race. And the well-being I came into the possession of thanks to buzz, has been substituted with a lonely, loving silence.

All the same, I miss that girl. A lot.

"she still doesn't know..does she?"

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