Wednesday, May 09, 2012

Unrewarding Profit

right is wrong,
wrong is to write

bottom line is i'll be left over.

I've been wanting to write lately..most of it is short quips, conversation pieces, thoughts, questions..nothing substantial..I never feel as if those are 'good enough' to be post-worthy, as if somehow the numerical value of words put forth onto the screen somehow directly relates to the self-worth of the post...tell that to Ulysses...

And most of those random bits are part of a larger conversation, ones I'd wish to have with you. Of course none of this at the present time is authorized to be said, so i have to bite my fingers on all this...and wait.

When the time does come, the results finally come back from the lab or wherever DNA is unionized; the flood gates will break, of this I promise you. And when those results come back and I am cleared of any ludicrous claims, justice rightfully being still won't change a thing.

Yet again I will have "won" another round, while losing what really mattered to me in the process. Sure it's a win on paper, but i still have to live with the rocks being thrown. Yeah, it's an epic battle that was won, but the war is already over...and the only thing i've won is to live another day, to see another stupid battle.

There's so many little lessons in this - "winning isn't everything" can come to mind..i never thought these situations were possible, I've never heard of such a possibility. I sue for my dog. I win in court. Don't get dog back. - I get accused of sexual assault. Tests come back negative. Girl still believes her fairytale. Frankly, my Win-Loss column is very confused.

The whole argument is just one big affirmation that I'm correct, but fuck you. Like a pre-season win..sure you won, but who honestly cares?! Like wining a game-show and coming home empty handed. If I'm not wining anything after I win, then for what is the purpose - I mean not to sound materialistic or anything, but if these are 'moral' victories; can it..the only lesson learned is that all this is taking it's toll on me.

and of course as my fingers hit the keys so do my lids close together. All night long I've just wanted sleep this off, i guess better late than never?

same goes for an apology.

"Well, it happens all the time. It's censored from our minds. You'll find out"

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