Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Here We Are Again

all alone..
going down the only road I've ever known..

I'm just wasting all this time

I've stared at this screen for over an hour, maybe longer as it seems to have preoccupied my entire night.  The new post page opened, blank, buried in a tab behind one of the millions of others opened that I scan through over and over, hesitating to return.  I'm left with as much ambition to write as I have answers for the questions that perplex me; why?

It seems as though every time my vehicular life starts picking up momentum, shifting out of those sluggish gears and cruising along, leaving behind a devastated fate behind in the dust..all of a sudden circumstance randomly jerks the wheel, and I am left to be flung from my seat, hurling out of control through the air, no control or understanding as it's happening all too quickly..only to hit the blockage in the road I was once travelling happily down...meeting the pavement one more time.

She once said I had horrible luck, yet she never did anything to help it out.

I'm not sure where what went wrong.  what i did. or what i didn't do.  why everything had to change.  especially when things were so good; to me at least.  She says I did nothing wrong, but that is all she could say, all she would say.  I just don't get how everything in my world could take a complete 180 in the blink of an eye.  For a better part of a month or so I was happy, I was living a good life, I had pretty much everything I've ever wanted.  It was good.  

Then, some occur lively events that don't even involve me, on the contrary, those events if anything would have solidified my existence in her life further...but it didn't work out like all.   It's like your best friend wins tickets to a concert and for whatever reason doesn't invite you.  It just doesn't make any sense to me.

And it never will I suppose...I sit at night and try not to rack my brain over such things, but sometimes it's just impossible.  And to think it was just so easy for you to toss me aside, once again, with no justification, no explanation, no real sense of closure hurts even more.

I wish I could elaborate into more, but there's no sense to it...there's only one person that could make things right, and she's not listening.

"you can't just chop up a former relationship into discrete parts and select the ones you want like some sort of fast-food menu..."

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