Monday, November 19, 2012


fuck that
fuck you

"My dad died today," she said via text, "please leave me alone." In an instant I felt horrible for bitching her out, "are you fucking kidding me?!" i say to myself, knowing better to not type that just in case it were true.  I already diced this poor soul into pieces, I didn't know it'd be a blow while she was already done. Of course, the one day I decide to text her, blow her up, out of the several months I haven't, her dad dies; perfect timing.

How did it get to become like this; how did I get to become everyone's hated number one; how did I get to become so horrible?

I realize what an old friend of mine said to be true, a subscriber of this blog once said to me, "If I were to title your blog, I'd call it the 'troubles of being genuine' " truer words have never been spoken.  People aren't used to this sort of brass tactics streaming from the orchestra...the aren't used to the abrasiveness of the chili in their mouth.. and yet, for some reason, at first, they are drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

I was on a roll this week, already losing 5 friends of FB in just two days, I figured why not take care of that kindling just laying around, the one I've been putting off for some time now, see what kind of sparks can fly if i were to kick it.  

I was heartless, offering condolences for her loss, I still stuck to my grounds, telling her to leave me the fuck alone.  I was pot committed by that point.  I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and no hearse was going to get in my way of finishing the mission.  A lesser person would have broken down, but the person on the other end of the receiving texts was not a kind soul, no sympathy to be spared.

November is only half over, and I've caused enough destruction to last a year, if not longer.  I'm not sure what other 'bang' I can go out in, but I guess I really wasn't prepared for this November when I encouraged it to "do its worst"

poor choice of words I had.

"it's not personal...don't take it personal"