Nothing like before
I've been telling myself I need to write, I've been saying the words in my head so much they've actually manifested aloud. And the recent conversations to me of my blog only have brought it more to the present.
The Holidays. I started to get into a comfortable place the other day, I use the term 'comfortable' very loosely here as it's actually a very unpleasant feeling. What was comfortable, rather, was the familiarity of it. I was off of work, and knowing I didn't have to be back for another 48 hours took a weight off my shoulder like never before. These feelings used to come so much easier not too long ago. Just getting two days off in a row would do this for me; but now, with the routine, two days just isn't enough.
I can put the blame on Sunday. Sunday is one of my days off, the most worthless day in my book. here's what usually happens. Friday, get out of work, never early, but continue with my week things and routines. Friday night I'm likely to still get into bed at the same time as i did the night prior..but I sleep in Saturday. Sure sleeping in for me now is something like waking up at 8:35; but I take my piss and go back to bed. Waking sometime once the double digits hit. I'll make my breakfast and slowly begin my day, never really getting it out of, and at worse into, second gear. Once 4:30 hits I'm back out for the count, a mid-day nap for no reason other than why not. I awake an hour or so later rearing to go! But of course by then it's a little late to get very much accomplished....maybe go to the gym..maybe hit the grocery store..but that's about all i can do. And then sunday comes around. Now that I've used a day to rest up, I'm good to go the next..the only problem is; mostly everything is closed on a Sunday. This 'holiday' weekend has been no different.
I kept with my Christmas tradition and rented some Redbox movies (though I can't get (too) drunk, as I do not have tomorrow off from work). Call it what you will, but the movies I've been watching have had something to do with writing; book, stories, what have you...this consistent theme must have struck a chord with me as here I am now, writing, telling you nothing but garbage.
I'm losing my bearing here. There's a lot on my mind - things started to flare up over the weekend, but I took a friend's company to drown out anything surfacing. Maybe I'm not completely derailed and this upcoming 96 will take me to where I need to go. I'm hoping so, because I really was all over the place in this one, yet I don't think I got anywhere.
Here's looking at tomorrow...
"..if only my dreams involved tomorrow"