Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Happy Anniversary

of sorts...

alleged rape-aversary that is...

It was just one year ago that the unthinkable happened; an event so outrageous it would change the course of my life from that point forward.  Where I thought the actual events would lead to bigger and better things, another's fictitious events would take me down a harrowing road.

Of course I am talking about the alleged rape case.  "Oh, you can talk about it now?!" you may be finding yourself asking..truth is, I'm not sure.  With the one year anniversary being the 18th-19th of March, and my recent news from the Oceanside PD, I'd say I can..

I mean why not, the DNA results (finally) came back...and just what were those results...everything we already knew.  My DNA was not to be found on any, ANY of the evidence/items the liar accuser brought forth.

go figure.

I got these results only because I made phone calls after not hearing anything for months..annoying.

But, we are only half-way free I guess.  Yes, there was no DNA found, but the lab tests on the water bottle are still unknown...apparently it got sent out to a different lab, and who knows when they'll have their report.  But as the detective said, from the looks of everything, unless something absolutely crazy comes back from that water bottle, the case will be closed.

Of course I did inform the detective of the "sister" water bottle I have in my possession as well.  He said that was good to hold onto in the meantime.

So I celebrated today with what will be a tradition from last year forth - get a Shamrock shake at some point in the day..finish it off with Denny's...drink some arrowhead water..and not rape anyone.

I leave you with these two memes created awhile ago for me...


Sunday, March 10, 2013

I See You, Baby

shaking that ass...
shaking that ass, shaking that

Alright, now don't touch me...

It's amusing, really, how synched up we are.  I tend to distance myself from certain things, but, naturally, like moth to a flame, or, in this case a sailor to a Siren  I find my way back to you.

I haven't been blogging as much as I should, or would like, or should really; but it's a marvelous thing.  We both know how fickle my time with this blog is, and it's just a matter of time before I catch my second wind and start pounding on these keys to make something appear.  I want that to happen, and apparently, so do you.

I don't want to scare you away..it's ok, really.  I'm flattered...it's nice to know you're still keeping tabs on me.  Maybe it's to see if I've posted an "incriminating evidence" or gather things for the case file against me or whatever; but I'd like to think positively, I'd like to think it's because you miss me...and you know deep down somewhere inside of you, you know the truth....that your claims are all false...a mistake...some horrible nightmare created, but definitely not holding any bit of truth.

And to anyone else reading this and wondering or questioning...sure, this is a long shot as I'm sure there are plenty of those a that certain university...and maybe a select few that would know of this blog..but I'm fairly certain I can narrow it down to one person.

So, if my destructive reasoning is correct, let me put this out there.  Could you please contact me.  It's almost been a year now since...whatever...we saw each other...obviously you're looking, and you know that I can see that, so nothing has stopped you from doing so...soooo, just contact me, talk to me.  As messed up as the situation is, I still, for whatever reason, care about you and your well being.  Maybe you're too afraid to contact me over the phone, whatever..I can see you reading, and we both know what that means.  I'm trying to reach out to you...i'm trying to get an understanding for all this.

Basically, I am in a Mrs Haversham state of confusion left on a high from the time we spent together, believing that everything would turn around for the better..and then being jolted out of the fairytale to this "real world" that was actually a nightmare.

I didn't do anything wrong. I swear.

"As the Rolling Stones would say, just Call me"

Saturday, March 09, 2013

Looking Back

On the year..
on the bad..

on everything

This belated look back is similar to that of the reflection in a murky puddle of mud.  I normally do my year in review (year end review*) at, well, the end of the year; but as I have mentioned earlier, that never happened.  I figure with the rape-aversary date rapidly approaching, now would be as good of time as any to kick it off.

2012 was one of those years you'll look back on much later in life and say, "man, that year brought me down to my lowest point..but I overcame and made it to here" and you'd point to whatever place you were standing as some sort of vague implication on what you were actually talking about.  But as those wounds are still pussing, it's a little more difficult to do anything but laugh at just how fucked up last year really was.

If I recall correctly, I started off the New Year by airing my grievances, all at the mispleasure of bringing about the 2008 jangus.  Later that month a girl came back into my life for the umteenth time, and like Rihanna to Chris Brown, I supported it.  This would prove to again be a series of ups and downs, back and forth like a see-saw we found ourselves finding each other, yet "needing" to separate ourselves as well.

As the new month arrived that relationship kicked into overdrive and (I thought) things were moving in the right direction.  Time spent over the Valentine's holiday was doubly meaningful as it was to be my last days before going over to Korea for a month.  And things started off great until day two, when that relationship, much like my presence in the states, went away.

Just shy of a month spent in Korea, despite the sadness I was facing, was quite a good experience for me.  In short, it was existential and I enjoyed it - I also got a lot of writing accomplished as well, not just blogging, but a note everyday to the one who ran away.

My trip was cut just short of a month and I found myself in the states for St Patrick's day..and what was to come was, and still is, unthinkable.  I won't, and probably can't, go into too much detail about what happened - that matter was actually a full blog that I started to write then erased because it angered me so much.  But what happened was, said previous girl and I got back together as we both longed for one-another...she spent the night..I thought that would be the turning point in our relationship, little did I know it would be, just not in the direction I was aiming for..she, and I quote, had never been more comfortable in her life than laying next to me in my bed, end quote...the next day would be the last time I saw her again.

Fast forward to the weekend of my birthday, hear back from girl - it has been two weeks now - and there's a "pregnancy scare", I quote that because actually it was a device used to try and entrap me on grounds of..rape.
I'll give you a moment..
So I spent time being interrogated by detectives, and having to explain to my chain of command just what in the eff was going on.  That same week I do my first interview with Big Brothers Big Sisters..two weeks pass and another love of mine finds a way to break me, again. This time it was on the basketball court, and the break was actually the ligaments in my ankle.  The lack of professional medical help provided by the military only made things worse.  Pain killers coupled with my world crashing in around me proved to be a horrible combination..and in fear of doing something stupid, I fought through the pain and flushed the meds down the drain.

The next months I spent recovering, which put a hold on moving my stuff out here from Indy.  I went to a lot of rehab, and pushed myself to workout and keep on top of things, striving to get back to where I was before.  I really don't recall the summer months all that well; Gary made an appearance during the fourth of july-causing me to skip my traditional chicago plans and stay in SoCal.  Another friend came out a month later, causing such a drunken ruckus it caused my PS3 controller to split into many pieces...and that's the fun version of that story.

August came around and I found myself moving into a new place, closer to work and right on the beach.  Which was also the time I made a trip back out to the midwest to pack it all up and turn my back on that place, for the final time.  The trip was a nice vacation away from everything, work and so forth - even if I did do 28 of the 30 hours of straight driving through.  But that week proved to be a very interesting week.  

I'm not even sure if you could call it an old flame, but sparks definitely did ignite with a missed connection of sorts; which naturally complicated things for both of us.  And shortly after that, another past lover decided to make a big, marching band required, appearance into my life as well.  In fact, most of the drive back I spent texting and talking to said person.  This too proved to be complicated with the nature of conversations and pictures sent.

But like all good things, these too would come to an end..first with the former lover calling it quits on both her boyfriend at the time, and me.  Then after my two week 'hiatus' for Fleet Week in SF, the missed connection solidified as to why it wasn't to be either.

With being shat on enough in 2012, I made the bold statement to the oncoming month of November to "do your worst", feeling as if I had endured enough, there was nothing November could do that I could not overcome...I now have a regret in life.  

With everything now in my possession, under one roof, I was getting settled in. One item in particular I was excited about was my external harddrive. Finally, I thought, the constant worry in the back of my mind about backing up my data will be relieved! Oh how horribly fallacious I was to provoke November.  In the very process of backing up my data, everything went wrong.  The laptop's hd had a mechanical failure...and the external hd had a data corruption.  Everything was lost...even to this very day, after sending it to place after place to attempt to salvage the data. No such luck.

That was the nail in the coffin, that was the final straw, that, was the death of me.

Everything after that point was, and is, a blur.  Things happened...things continue to happen.  Michigan ended up losing to OSU, I ruined something because of my stubbornness, I ruined something else because of my vacuousness, and I'm fighting more battles than I need to be right now.

Still no results from my DNA sample, so the accusations are still on the table...all my pictures up to November of last year are gone, my ankle has gotten better, but still isn't 100%, and there always seems to be that one person on my mind.

just the quick recap of the worst year of my life, that is all.

"i have nothing to say i haven't already said"