Tuesday, April 29, 2014



that's a horrible pun

so, as many of you have no idea, I'm going to India...in a few hours.  I am going to spend my R&R there.  R&R is essentially the government realizing that making you work every single day, for a year straight, away from friends, and family, and everything normal, in a weird country surrounded by sand, is just not cool.  So they "compensate" you by flying you to wherever you want to go, and fly you back.  15 days off to do as you wish (within reason I suppose).  Most people fly back to the states, which is nice and all...but logistically speaking...it's dumb.  Think about it.  You're going to fly over 24 hours, to try and get readjusted to the ass-backward time frame..and by the time you get used to it all, it's another 24 hours flight back to where you left a fortnight ago...Plus, it's the States..I've been there, granted I haven't been everywhere, but..I'm on the other side of the world..I'm going to take advantage of that.

So that brings me to India.  Now, granted I probably could have planned it a little better...I didn't realize the Visa process while being deployed would be as grueling as it was.  Also to note, I am traveling in May, which is an off-season for travel due to the intense heat.  Crap.

But, what makes me write this post, is not to brag about whatever...but rather...because I'm actually nervous.  Never before have I ever taken a real vacation...not since I was a child I suppose.  I mean, I've taken time off of work, "vacation days" to visit friends and family..drive across the country..do those things..but it wasn't necessarily new places with crazy fun itineraries.  This is different, this is real travel.

The last time I took a vacation was in January of 2008.  My best friend and I went to Disneyworld - partially because I had never been there and he wanted to fulfill that dream for/with me.  I believe it was one week or so..staying with his grandparents...driving a mustang around..living the dream.

I've been to foreign countries..South Korea, though for work, was a lovely experience I and would very much like to visit again; whether for work or personal business.  But, still, there's a piece of me that is scared of going through with this...for whatever reason.  Sure I've been planning this for months on end.  And sure I had a travel agency map out the best itineraries.  And sure every thing is covered, from hotels to ground transportation to tours...

but..I don't know...this is a new world for me...it's everything I've ever wanted to do...and now..I'm doing it.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” 

Thursday, March 20, 2014


not the band, 
something a lot better


I remember a time, not too long ago as  I can still remember it very well, when two young people moved with each other in unison.  Despite being on opposite coasts, a three hour time difference, and opposite schedules; they were still one.

It wasn't the first time I noticed it with this person, but for whatever reason, August clearly showed on a day-to-day basis our togetherness.  Though many miles apart we would always be thinking of each other at the same time; and no that's not just some whimsical 'in love' comment, what happened in August (and noticed from then on) painted a different picture for what we really were.

The most significant evidence was displayed late in the night/early morning, after both of us had said our goodnights and fallen asleep.  Something, in those hours would wake one, then the other...and since we were awake we couldn't help but think of one another, and so a text would be sent; just as the other was thinking of/composing their own to send.  This happened more oft than not, a majority of the days in the week.  And it wasn't the same time every night.  And it wasn't the same person to send the message first. No.  It was always different, always changing, except the fact that they were one; they were connected in some way.

That time in my life will always stick out to me for the sheer fact coincidence can be ruled out.  And even though that was years ago, and both parties have drifted apart, nothing has been able to break that connection to this day...

Now you're probably saying to yourself, "oh come on, you can't be serious...." and you're entitled to that opinion..and you know how I love my conspiracy theories and over-analyze things and just dig and dig, but hear me out...

As I mention, those parties have drifted apart it's been too long since real contact was made - an actual conversation - but something of course has sparked my attention.  Even though we haven't stayed in touch, or are connected through any sort of social media forums, every now-and-then she crosses my mind.  (I think it to be perfectly natural as someone that was apart of your life for any significant time would as well)   It may happen in the middle of the day, it may come up in conversation, it may be because she co-starred in a dream...whatever the case may be, she has been manifested.

I continue about my day, thinking nothing is out of the ordinary, until...one of the various scenarios happens.  Maybe I'll get an email about my blog, and it has the hit reports...and then that's when I'll see (what I strongly believe to be) she has visited my blog on that day, or so, from when I was thinking about her.  Or maybe for whatever reason I'll sign off the computer and log into my phone...I'll see a snapchat sent the day I was thinking about her.  Or maybe, if I'm really into self-deprivation, I'll take a look at some random social media she has and notice a picture change on the day I was thinking about her.

I mean, I'll be honest and say, I'm not constantly creeping on or checking these things out.  These are not daily occurrences.  These happen every once in awhile, and at first, I took little notice..maybe chalked it up to happenstance, like calling heads on a coin-flip and getting it right.  But as these instances happened more and more, what I would have called serendipity, now would have that level bumped up.

You may still call it whatever you will, but I know where I stand.  And let me testify that this is not some sort of love 'death rattle', a post where I bleed my heart onto the screen, pining for a love that is no longer...in hopes of getting back together with the undertones of 'we were meant to be'. No.  While I state and stand by being connected with someone special, this is not a pity cry.  I do think we still have a connection, yes.  I do think about her, yes.  I do miss her, yes.  Those are just facts, to me.

I just wanted to share this with you.  Facts or coincidence, either way I'm alright ma.

"when coincidence is common place, it is no longer coincidence..."

Friday, February 07, 2014


Give up, or
give 4 more?

that will be the question

I'm over the half-way mark of my (first) enlistment.  The recruiters got me good for I am in a 5-year contract instead of the standard four.  The MC tries to justify the longer contracts based off MOS schooling - if you're in school for a year, that's one less year you have to spend in the fleet, and since they are spending all this time and money on you, they want to make sure they get their four.

Well, truth of the matter is, my school was 30 days.  Justification?  None what-so-ever other than its the MC screwing people at all costs.  I did not know better at the time -  wasn't young and dumb, I just thought that's how it was, I didn't know I could negotiate with the government (for one last time).

So I am stuck in my 5 year contract, in an overly populated MOS, that for some reason they continue to push people into, even though our Jr ranks are almost at 300% capacity...

I'm not a fan of this job - it bores me.  Sure it's an easy desk job, in the heart of the CoC...it's cushy, it's safe, it's behind a computer..it's the complete opposite of anything you'd think MC (i.e. grunts).

But where it lacks in 'hard work' it makes up in stupidity.

In order to get this MOS you have to have one of the highest GT scores in the MC - that means we are all smart people.  Yet, higher ups still treat us as if we just came from the special-ed third grade.  No trust, no awareness, no understanding.  To make matters worse, with the influx of people being pushed into this job, and those who joined/lat moved at the height of the war and ranked up really fast and now refuse to leave because they are up to such ranks; there is little to no promotions.

Smart people are already disgruntled, the MC says let's make them more disgruntled...

Nothing is more disconcerting than being on a deployment with people from a different shop, that you are working side by side with, who are chasing a cutting score in the 1500s...These folk are getting furious that 'if they would have done all their MCIs they would have the 20 extra points to pick up to Cpl at 1570" HOLY FUCK...I think my first composite score was around that score...

but here I am, 2 years after picking up E3, and with a composite score of 1700 I finally pick up...If my MOS isn't closed out, the cutting score is extremely high.

I remember before I picked up, having to take orders from E4s from other shops that picked up with cutting scores that were a joke.  I understand that I am older, and I've made piece with taking orders from younger people...however, where I draw the line is taking orders from someone who has been in the MC less time than I have..and the only reason they have is a higher rank is they either sucked someone off, or their MOS is a joke.

So one may ask, why not lat-move yourself when you go to re-enlist?  If I were to re-enlist, this would be my path...but, the first question remains..will I?

Since I'm over the half-way mark, I have to set my sights on what's the next hurdle - Feb 12, 2016.  That is my EAS date..either the last day I am owned by the government, or time to renew their lease on me.  As this is a year deployment, by the time I return back to my home duty station, I'll have a year left on my contract and that will be the time I'll either be putting in my package to re-enlist, or jumping through all the hoops in order to get out.

I have stated my future in the MC really depends on this deployment - some will say I cannot base deployments or the MC on this "deployment", but, when it's all I have seen, then yes, yes I can.

I've given the MC and my command years of my service and time to 'prove me another way', and they have failed to do so.  I've been lied to time and time again.  I've been backstabbed, I've had rumors spread about me, all by people who are supposed to take a grenade for me - honestly, I'd rather have the gay and short Bruno Mars have my back.

I've stated one thing that will make or break the decision will be if I get into Afghanistan or not.  In 2012 when I MEF deployed, they already had their crew who would be going out.  We were told they would do 6 and out, and others (myself) would replace them..to give everyone a chance to go.  That never happened.  Then an opportunity arose for one person to go out for about 6 months at the end of it all.  Once again I was looked over and some other douche was sent to go for some reason.

So then, as the next cycle for 2014 came up, those who were looked over and never got the chance were first in line to go this time.  As the time grew closer to chop forward and cease stepping foot in the rear office, we all were getting excited...but excitement would turn into frustration soon enough.  There was a Sgt they wanted to throw into the mix.  Their reasoning was "he's never had a deployment and we want him to be more competitive for SSgt" - and that meant he would take my place.  I did not like this.  But then there were two people were removed from the group - both on shady accounts.  One person was going through a divorce and that was their justification, the other was coming off BCP (he was fat), so they got the ax.  This allowed me to retain a place...except things would be rearranged.

I got bumped from Afghan to Kuwait, losing out an all that, a secondary rate deployment in anyone's minds.  Happy to still be going somewhere, I figured I'd be able to wiggle my way into a country that is a stone's throw away.  The last missing spot would be another "interesting" choice.   Out of everyone that was left in the office, they selected the one person who hadn't been doing the actual job..the one person who just got in from the schoolhouse...the one person who didn't know anything....the one person who wore makeup and could take a dick.

Those in charge would sit back and try to justify taking the girl to everyone around, but we're not stupid...we knew they wanted eye candy, we knew it wasn't any of the hundred reasons they would spout off..it's because she was a woman...and she would get that spot in afghan, not me...

Well, it gets even more interesting...that Sgt ended up getting selected for Staff...so when the Monitor found out he was a Staff Select filling a billet for a Sgt, he got removed from the deployment - my original fucking spot - but by then it was too late to move me back over, since kuwait and afghan deployed at different times.  So that spot ended up getting filled by a Cpl from a lower group, who just picked up Cpl a couple months before me - has been in since '09, and is EAS'ing this year...

yes, because that makes sense...have the shitbag nco who is getting out halfway through the deployment get to go on the deployment...

Getting to Afghan won't make me re-enlist, but not getting into Afghan will definitely make it a zero percent chance for me to do so.  I'm not a fucking "ribbon chaser", but it's the last time in who knows how long anybody will get a campaign ribbon.  And the MC is a pissing contest, we all know that.  And for someone to say "it doesn't matter the stack that's on your chest" is feeding you bullshit.

So basically, if I don't get into Afghan, 0% chance of re-enlistment
If I do get into Afghan, 5% chance of re-enlistment...

that's where we are...looks like I'm over it.

"so you're saying there's a chance..."

Saturday, February 01, 2014



And how much does it cost?

It's a weird feeling, knowing that you've been writing, yet going to your home page and seeing zero posts for 2014.  So, have I been writing?  What exactly have I been doing this entire month?

Well, I have been writing, just different forums and projects...but of course nothing you can see on here.  Looking back and realizing this, this must have been the cause for my drought in the past - focusing my writing energy in various places other than in this blog.  Ranting on facebook, trolling, and side "homework" projects have consumed my time and efforts, leaving this in the dust.

But I don't want it to be like that.

This here blog has been with me for over a decade now and I will continue to use it as an outlet for my creative genius...whether some think so or not.

Many people have tried to silence me in the past, I won't let myself be one of them.

I've been thinking about adding some of my better troll posts on here, so you all can get a laugh, see something updated and new, and not have my post count sit at zero.  It's a work in progress and maybe i'll try a few to test the waters..

So that's what has been going on in my world.  I'm alive.  I'm writing.  Just need to recenter myself and focus in on here.  I realize I can't be in a million places at once, and if you spread genius out too thin, it is no longer genius but a flimsy average crust.

"you's be trollin!"

Friday, January 31, 2014

Love Song



Often I get asked if I write poetry, to which of course I answer 'no'; and then I'm told I should.  I write here, as I always will..and whether it be short stories, rants, or "poems" I just consider it my blog...nothing more, just me writing.  I don't put labels on them as to what they are..and my internet actions and texts may be worthy of something noting, but these are different moments.

I wish I could combine all those elements and make a love song, but I feel as if everything that could be said has been said, and I'd just steal lines from other artists in my quest.

The Cataracs "Love Song" is, right now, my number one love song to go to. With lyrics like: 
"Then I wake up from my dream
Woah had you on my mind for a long time
Can't get you out of my head, giving me head
So whats a man to do, except confront his love and tell you what I plan to do
Yes I'm gonna win you over, I got the four leaf clover
My task is to smash like the game is red rover"

who could compete with that?

Maybe I need to get back in the game, however I feel as if there's an age (experience) limit on things in life, and falling in love (love in the raw) has passed.

"When I met you dawg you were not the kind to get involved with any joe blow trying to get in your drawers"